Post by Sir Chris Cairns on May 25, 2013 3:25:32 GMT -6
The Remarkable Report
Premium Insight for Premium Subscribers
w / Billy Diamond-Remarkable
In terms of buy rate and attendance, Heatwave 10 is set to eclipse all other pay-per-views from throughout professional wrestling's long and storied history. This was evident before the main event - or any other match - was even announced. Tickets for the big summer show sold out in under three minutes and it would've been quicker if the server-meltingly hot demand had not sent the Internet crashing into flames.
This year's makeshift Kowloon Park stadium is set to include nearly fifteen thousand more seats than it has for any previous Heatwave spectacular, suggesting we could see crowd figures exceeding 90,000, but this comes as no surprise to 'The Diamond in the Rough.' Milestones always sell themselves and ten is a nice, round number. This year's Heatwave was always going to be capable of capturing fan imagination long before the first match had even been booked.
Credit to everyone at GZW2K1 who built this behemoth of an event over the years into such an annual 'must see' extravaganza. The Aftermath series may present the year-end finale, and Lord of the Coliseum may win out in terms of prestige and honor (debatable!), but nothing quite matches Heatwave in terms of that summer blockbuster, outdoor 'Superbowl' aura. How can you possibly resist naming Heatwave as THE annual event of the professional wrestling calendar?
I sincerely hope everyone enjoys whatever role they may have on the show because each and every one of them will be making history.
And so without further adieu, I present you with a collection of my Remarkable Thoughts on Heatwave throughout the years, culminating with my hopes and speculative predictions for Heatwave 10. Enjoy!
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE I
The only Heatwave event to have taken place prior to The Restart, 2001's effort - notable as GZW2K1's inaugural pay-per-view - showcased anything but 'Humble Beginnings', flaunting a card so stacked in star power that it'd make later events in the annual summer spectacular weep with envy.
Union Jack, Nathan Williams, Diamond Sledge, Fubu, Daemon, Hades, Eric Montair, Cravin Morehead, Pimp Bizkit, Deacon Kane, Nathaniel Davis, Sean Fiery and Sincere were among the legendary names making up the top half of the card, with the undercard padded out by the likes of Willie Haire, Little Show and Big Country AKA Jimmy Williams AKA the lesser Williams sibling.
The main event GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Championship match between Sincere and Sean Fiery is perhaps what this stacked show will forever be best remembered for, with the iconic image of Sean Fiery's match-winning top rope elbow drop having been replayed on GZW2K1 television countless times throughout the past twelve years. It was one of the ultimate feel good moments as Fiery basked in his victory over the cunning Jade Dragon with the entire locker room coming out to join in with the celebrations. One of the most iconic matches in GroundZero Globalverse history.
Elsewhere and siblings Nathaniel Davis and "Wicked Ways" Deacon Kane battled in the night's penultimate bout, with the Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship on the line and Kane picking up the win. Afterwards we were treated to a clusterfuck of run-ins from obscure and notable names alike, among them being then HKWF World Heavyweight Champion, James "Monarch" Corbin. Overall, an interesting encounter in retrospect, with these three men having gone on to become three of the most influential in GroundZero history, with Monarch and Davis today in positions of prominent backstage power as President and Commissioner respectively.
Union Jack came off worse in a losing effort to Nathan Williams, with poor old Jack being permanently scarred after T-Rex smashed his face into some red-hot stage lighting. Elsewhere, Cravin Morehead and Pimp Bizkit traded chair shots and concussions as their match ended in a disappointing double disqualification.
The majority of the lower card consisted of forgettable names competing in forgettable matches.
Backstage skits were aplenty with Pimp Bizkit getting down and dirty with Hong Kong whores while Weston Bentley got knocked on his fat arse by 'Henchman.' The show was also notable for having different announce teams calling each match, with nary a Crumb, Samson or Nelson in sight.
Overall, the original Heatwave is a primitive show, fondly remembered and yet with lots of filler presented alongside countless very short matches and wrestlers who had not quite yet fleshed out their personas. For example, who knew Nathaniel Davis could be such an aggressive hothead?
Nonetheless, this is where it all started as far as GZW2K1's foray into pay-per-views is concerned and the star power included on this show, mixed in with some of GZW2K1's most memorable moments, make this event a timeless classic.
Rating: 4 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"Tonight's Heatwave pay-per-view saw GZW2K1 well and truly arrive on the international stage, just as the promotion's billionaire backers had anticipated. A star-studded line-up provided a show which will doubtless go on to be remembered for all eternity."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE
Attendence: 32, 414
Pay-Per-View Buys: 989, 049
On the Promotional Poster: A dragon swooping down, breathing fire on the Kowloon skyline.
On the DVD Cover: Sean Fiery, Sincere, Deacon Kane and Nathaniel Davis
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE II
The 2001 event will always hold a special place in the hearts of Old School fans, but 2005's sequel was where the blueprints for Heatwave's chaos and disorder were truly established.
Mid-2005 saw the GZW2K1 roster at arguably the strongest it has ever been and this card showcased talent from top to... well, not quite to the bottom... as this show got off to a crawler's pace with multiple debut and jobber matches including the likes of Colby Anderson, Kid X, Shawn Showtime and the inaugural battle between long-time Heatwave rivals The Happy Sumo and Bake the Bake Roberts. A thirteen match card could easily have been reduced to eight or nine, and the show would've been all the better for it.
The marquee main event saw the Lone Gunman era coming to an end as the reign of Raider Nation unfortunately got set to ignite. The GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Championship main event between Seth Raide and Lord John Taylor certainly had a 'big fight feel' and lived up to its hype. Unfortunately, other happenings from the show would overshadow this bout to a degree, and both men would be gone from the promotion by January.
Elsewhere and, in reasons I still can't quite fully comprehend, James Corbin swooped in at the last minute and stole Cop Kahn Moral's spot in the secondary main event, despite Kahn being lightning hot at the time as the homophobic antagonist to Vernon Vanderbilt's gleeful poofiness. With Kahn apparently shunned for being 'too hot for pay-per-view,' Vanderbilt never did get his revenge and what we got instead was a passable, foolishly unhyped encounter between Vanderbilt and Monarch while Moral would meanwhile fade into obscurity.
The shortest and most shocking of all matches was between Amun Ma'at and Shane Ryder, in which Ma'at - the dastardly anti-American terrorist - strapped some explosives to the chest of Ryder and threw him into the turnbuckle. On impact, the explosives did what explosives generally tend to do and GZW2K1 had a hell of a situation on its hands. Luckily for us all, Ryder survived and continues to entertain the masses with his thrilling charisma to this day.
Typical pointless filler matches weighing down the lower card aside, the only truly awful contest in the later half of the show was the laughable "Cemetery Match" between that clueless dork Zachary Sharp and the unremarkable newcomer, Necron the Grim Harvester. There was lots of mysterious fog, with each man throwing the other into open graves and hitting one other across the head with shovels and gravestones. Nobody knows why they had this match. Nobody remembers who won. Nobody remembers Necron the Grim Harvester. Nobody wants to remember Zachary Sharp. Next...
Keeping with the gimmick contests and Zander Frost carried Jon Kellar to the only decent outing of his career in a ridiculous "50 First Tables Match." In order to win, you had to slam your opponent through fifty tables. Things obviously got repetitive rather quickly, with a total of 99 tables being broken at a rate of about three per minute, but at least we got the climatic pleasure of seeing both men go through a flaming slab of wood for our troubles, eh? A match worth viewing, just for the sheer stupidity of it all.
Solid midcard acts elsewhere included Quake extending his run as one of the greatest W.C.E.K. Television Champions of all time with a win over Viktor Kovalex, and Jay Jameson besting Jimmy Williams with the Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship on the line.
But we haven't even covered the non-match calamities yet!
2005 saw tensions between GZW2K1 and HKWF at their highest, with a simple Chris Cairns Show serving as the unexpected catalyst for Heatwave II to break down into an all-out riot - the likes of which we have never seen since!
It all started with the future SIR Chris Cairns proposing to then-girlfriend, Commissioner Devotion Profit. However, HKWF President John Profit was not amused by this, and the whole thing somehow broke down into a massive brawl between HKWF and GZW2K1 Globalstars, fights happening in the ring, in the crowd, and in the outdoor backstage area. Kid Kaos - who was then GZW2K1's ultimate babyface - was locked into a trailer by his future HKWF underlings, with the trailer then being tipped into a pond. Riot police were called and multiple arrests made as the pay-per-view cut to a lengthy intermission.
Heatwave II was, for many years, the Heatwave to beat. It had strong matches across the board and some of the most chaotic brawls and inter-promotional faction battles the wrestling world has ever seen. We had multiple arrests, marriage proposals, flaming tables, bomb explosions, a marquee main event, notable star power... Heck, even the crappier matches were fun, because who doesn't love seeing Zachary Sharp get hit in the face with a spade?
Rating: 5 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"Heatwave returned with a bang in more ways than one as the GZW2K1 Globalstars invaded HKWF's homeland in a night few from either roster will ever forget. Heatwave II was the most extreme pay-per-view we will ever witness during our lifetimes."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE II
Attendance: 59, 585
Pay-Per-View Buys: 1, 657, 666
On the Promotional Poster: Lord John Taylor and Seth Raide
On the DVD Cover: As above
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE III
Often quite rightly cited as the 'black sheep' of the Heatwave family, this calamitously booked monstrosity is perhaps best remembered for the Maxx Pain vs. Nathaniel Davis stipulation where the loser was the first man's wife to throw in the towel. It was professional wrestling at its most silly and melodramatic. Anyway, Maxx won.
The main event was, quite frankly, a massive insult to the fans. The Intercontinental Championship was on the line in a fatal fourway match with such non-entities as Red Dragon and Jason Thomason thrown into the mix alongside a still-not-quite-at-main-event-level Leon Corbin, and Maxx Pain wrestling in his second match of the night. I'd be scratching my head if this hurriedly cobbled together piece of shit headlined a Crimson, never mind the biggest blockbuster of the summer!
The undercard was padded out with such nobodies as Wayne Hammon, Nocturne, Natas and The Insomniac, and no notable shocks or surprises occurred. The World Heavyweight Championship wasn't even defended on this card, which perhaps isn't all that much of a bad thing considering the champ at the time was the eternally bland and useless Jon Kellar.
Also, one of the big spots on this pay-per-view was Bane taking a bump into a fold-up bed.
Coming off the highs of the previous year and with a notably weakened roster (Quake, Amun Ma'at, Vyle, Jay Jameson, Seth Raide, Zachary Sharp, John Taylor, Kid Kaos, Vernon Vanderbilt and James Corbin among those who disappeared), 2006 was a real challenge for GZW2K1 and its fans. If nothing else, Heatwave III provides the symbolism to support these darkest of days. Forgettable pay-per-view and the worst of the Heatwaves by quite some distance.
RATING: 0 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"The GroundZero Globalstars dazzled on this night as Kowloon Park basked in the glory of one of the most star-studded pay-per-view extravaganzas the world has ever witnessed. Exciting newcomers Leon Corbin, Red Dragon and Wayne Hammon will all doubtless be dazzling the GroundZero fan base for years to come!"
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE III
Attendance: 43, 657
Pay-Per-View Buys: 405, 300
On the Promotional Poster: Red Dragon looking scary
On the DVD Cover: Nathaniel Davis and Maxx Pain... with their wives holding towels.
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE IV
Now this is more like it! 2007's event is notable for many reasons. John Champa made his debut in a winning effort against Shane Ryder; midcard bore Cell Block very nearly stole the show in his violent confrontation with the smarmy John Profit; the card contained two absolutely brutal matches in the forms of Spyral vs. Raze and the co-main event HKWF World Heavyweight Championship bout between Electric Sharpe and Kid Kaos; and we also got to see more than our fair share of HKWF vs. GZW2K1 shenanigans throughout the course of the night. A real return to form here for GZW2K1!
But Heatwave IV will perhaps forever best be remembered for one shocking segment which stood head and shoulders above all others. Creating one of the most buzz worthy moments in wrestling history, a lengthy mystery finally concluded on this night as James "Monarch" Corbin was revealed as the father of an emotionally wrought Leon Corbin (then going by the surname of Taylor). This was one of the classic swerves which had everybody talking. It has left the very fabric of the GroundZero Globalverse warped even to this day. Quite simply, whether you loved or hated it, one of the most memorable moments in GZW2K1 history.
Even a fairly anti-climatic main event between Vernon Vanderbilt and 'anti-climatic specialist' Zachary Sharp could not dampen this show's flames, nor could the countless filler matches (Blizzard vs. Captain All-Star anyone?). This was one of the very best Heatwave events GZW2K1 has ever produced.
Current roster mainstays Raze, Sean Locke, John Champa, Vitamin G, Trystan Lloyd and Captain All-Star all made their Heatwave debuts during the Summer 2007 event.
RATING: 4 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"The GroundZero Globalverse was tonight turned on its head with one of the most shocking twists the world of professional wrestling will ever witness."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE IV
Attendance: 52, 787
Pay-Per-View Buys: 1, 405, 300
On the Promotional Poster: Cell Block and John Profit
On the DVD Cover: Leon Corbin and James Corbin
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE V
The fifth Heatwave event was solid but never spectacular. John Champa won a chaotic eight-man Cash the Check Ladder Match in the opening bout, cementing his place as one of the true main event players going forward (indeed, he'd be GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Champion before 2008's end). This opening bout, which included the shock return of consistent letdown Rupert Martin as the eighth competitor, was the highlight of the night in terms of delivering Heatwave's signature mayhem and chaos.
The card had more than its fair share of star power: Eva Hikari and Sincere made up two-thirds of a solid midcard encounter also featuring Vyper; Future World Heavyweight Champion Raze would carry the mediocre Red Dragon through a sluggish-yet-brutal Extreme Heavyweight Championship bout; Tommy Casper and Jon Kellar would tangle in a pointless barbwire-infused bloodbath; and Kandi Fortune-Corbin battled Kid Kaos with the Intercontinental Championship on the line in a passable encounter.
The night's main event was tantalising on paper yet left no real lasting impression. It was a triple threat encounter pitting Vernon Vanderbilt - headlining his second consecutive Heatwave - against rivals Sean Fiery and Leon Corbin. The World Heavyweight Championship changed hands with Lord Leon beginning his second reign on this night, and that's pretty much all she wrote in terms of noteworthiness.
Heatwave V boasted some quality in-ring product and star power but never really seemed to shift into top gear, failing to provide anything truly worthy of the event's legacy.
RATING: 2 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"Heatwave V will live on in memory as perhaps the greatest event GZW2K1 has ever showcased."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE V
Attendance: 63, 369
Pay-Per-View Buys: 905, 300
On the Promotional Poster: Leon Corbin
On the DVD Cover: Leon Corbin, John Champa, Vernon Vanderbilt, Sean Fiery, Eva Hikari and Sincere
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE VI
The sixth Heatwave was a strange one and a bit of a disjointed mess with lots of randomly cobbled together matches, stupid stipulations, tedious backstage 'talking' segments, and returns which meant little; all blending together and showcasing that the oftentimes heavily romanticised 'Heatwave Chaos' isn't actually always as great a trope as we believe.
The main event was Eva Hikari successfully defending her HKWF World Heavyweight Championship against Bane in an Inferno match as the climax to a pleasingly well-built feud. Looking back, this match was as dumb and convoluted as most of the others on the card, including far more than its fair share of stretcher jobs, flaming tables, authority figures restarting the match etc. etc. Oh, I was also at ringside for this contest and smacked John Profit over the head with a steel chair for reasons even I can't fully remember. Pretty much sums this show up. Afterwards, Eva disappeared for about a year and Bane feuded with Captain All-Star.
The night's other main event was a GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Championship match between Leon Corbin and Davina Cameron. Interest in the match was extremely low because no one gave two shits about Cameron at this stage in her career, with Leon Corbin meanwhile getting set to embark on a lengthy hiatus. Oh, there was also some sort of child custody stipulation or something.
Elsewhere, Kid Kaos conveniently made his return on this show, just in time for that year's Lord of the Coliseum tournament, beating various people up in his usual predictable fashion and partaking in a spur-of-the-moment return match with some guy named Tyler Primus (nope, me neither). Am I the only Diamond in the Rough who much preferred Kaos' earlier run as the plucky babyface, as opposed to the complete bore of a 'badass' heel he would later become?
Raze and Seth Raide waged war in a ridiculously awful garbage wrestling 'match' which never seemed to end, desperately throwing every possible 'extreme' spot in existence at us in a pathetic attempt to be as memorable as possible.
The show was also notable for being bogged down by an unstructured and unannounced Chris Cairns Show with uninspired special guest Leon Corbin; various forgettable talents such as Cruxis, Joseph Cross and other people you don't remember battling it out in matches no one ever wanted to see,;and countless backstage segments involving a returning Zachary Sharp idly chatting to people and partaking in pointless gossip with old chums. These segments went ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE as "The Ace" thankfully fell off the radar again directly following this pay-per-view.
Heatwave Six scores high for effort in the same way you would praise a toddler for scribbling out a family portrait with a pack of crayons. The effort was there and notable events certainly did take place, but this show was just a complete mess with none of the big 'talking points' meaning much in the long run.
Rating: 2 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"Widely touted as the Globalstar most likely to become GZW2K1's first ever Lady of the Coliseum, tonight was Eva Corbin's night. She shone brighter than any other on an evening where the stars of the Globalverse were out in force."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE VI
Attendance: 69, 643
Pay-Per-View Buys: 1, 705, 312
On the Promotional Poster: Bane and Eva Corbin
On the DVD Cover: Eva Corbin
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE VII
This was a stopgap pay-per-view bridging an awkward period in time where many top mainstays had recently left the promotion (Sean Fiery, Seth Raide, Leon Corbin, Eva Hikari etc.), with the upcoming Lord of the Coliseum tournament looming ominously on the horizon.
Summer 2010 saw GZW2K1 in the midst of the 'Kaos Era'; a sustained period in time where GZW2K1 simply seemed to exist and go through the motions, chugging along with stars such as John Champa, Nathan Williams and Kaos himself doing a solid job of keeping things ticking over.
Extreme stipulations aside, the 2010 Heatwave card read like a Crimson supershow. Whatever issues feuding pairs such as Brian Reaper and Jimmy Williams had have long since been forgotten, and there wasn't really much of note here on the undercard, despite the event playing host to ten matches overall.
One midcard standout was the Crimson Chamber contest between Vernon Vanderbilt and Captain All-Star. Out of context, this match seems a puzzler, but they had a good feud going at this point in time. It's easy to forget Vanderbilt was even a member of the roster as recently as 2010, but he was always capable of adding something worthwhile.
Elsewhere, and Raze - still floating around in an abyss of mediocrity at this point, despite Seth Raide having supposedly 'passed the torch' to him the previous year - bested the reliable John Champa in a Heatwave-worthy "I Quit" match; Sean Locke had the unenviable and unthrilling task of making Joe Cross seem interesting in their Intercontinental Championship encounter; Tamer and Shane Ryder faced-off in a battle to presumably settle who was best at being GZW2K1's least reliable midcard act; and Bane won a stupid handicap match against seven jobbers including Jesus Christ.
Our main event was some form of multiple-fall grudge match between Kid Kaos and Nathan Williams with various ridiculous extreme stipulations which involved barbwire and dog collars. Yes, this was what GZW2K1 had to resort to in order to keep things fresh during 2010's dry summer: dog collars. Alas, the match itself is worth a look for old school GZW2K1 fans as you're unlikely to ever see two Old Guard members headlining a Heatwave event ever again beyond this point.
Rating: 2 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"Lord Kaos reigns supreme on the grandest stage of them all."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE VII
Attendance: 58, 762
Pay-Per-View Buys: 1, 646, 775
On the Promotional Poster: Lord Kaos
On the DVD Cover: As above
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE VIII
In terms of sheer polish and star power, and variety in shifts between heart pounding drama, light-hearted comic relief and flat-out 'WTF?' shock moments, 2011's effort may well be the Heatwave which redefined and reset the standard.
In short, on what was fittingly GZW2K1's tenth anniversary year, Heatwave Eight may well be the Heatwave to beat!
This event struck a fine balance between misty-eyed nostalgia and keeping current events relevant. It goes down as my favourite Heatwave of them all for sentimental reasons. I truly believe we will never see another show quite like this one, with the intricate blend of old and new working together to create wonderful, everlasting memories for both new fans and veteran diehards alike.
Older fans would go nuts for the 'Blasts from our Past' Battle Royale opener which saw countless main event stars from yesteryear - as well as a string of forgettable jobbers - reclaim the spotlight one last time. The match ended with Sean Fiery hitting his top rope elbow on a grounded Sincere, eerily echoing events from a full decade earlier.
The main event segment was also a love letter to the past in many ways, with 2005 Globalstar of the Year Quake making an all-to-brief-and-disappointing return, challenging respected Old Guard veteran Icon Nathan Williams to the World Heavyweight Championship. Williams won, but the night did not end there! With an exhausted Williams recovering on the mat, Bane rushed out in order to cash in his guaranteed title shot, losing out due to shocking interference from bitter enemy, Icon Lord John Taylor, for whom GZW2K1 reportedly broke the bank in order to sign to guest announcing duties.
Elsewhere on the card and Chris Cairns and Clancy McClean rekindled their petty and never-ending rivalry in a bizarre encounter which saw one of the most far-fetched and convoluted run-in spots of all time. The pre-match was also notable for the surreal experience of Prince William appearing (live via satellite) and announcing that Cairns was to be Knighted by the Queen!
The undercard held up its end of the bargain with some decent matches involving stars such as John Champa, Kolic, Shane Ryder, Alex Cross and Sean Locke, who have all continued to further ingrain themselves into Globalverse lore to this very day. Mainstay Leon Corbin arguably found himself lost in the shuffle on this show.
One of the very best offerings GZW2K1 has ever put forward, somewhat dampened by the grim reality that this is perhaps the last chance we'd ever have to see such a star-studded mix of both new and old on the same card.
Rating: 5 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"The eighth annual Heatwave spectacular has been one for the ages and we are still cooling down here tonight in Kowloon Park as we recover from what was undoubtedly a simmering experience. Legends such as John Taylor, Sincere, Sean Fiery and Seth Raide would make dramatic returns on this night and the GroundZero Globalverse was treated to one of the most shocking celebrity cameos this generation of wrestling fan is ever likely to witness. If you only watch one wrestling event ever again, make sure it's Heatwave 8."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE VIII
Attendance: 75, 643
Pay-Per-View Buys: 2, 023, 132
On the Promotional Poster: Quake as 'QuakeZilla'
On the DVD Cover: Sean Fiery, Sincere, John Taylor... and Prince William
THE REMARKABLY QUICK REVIEW: HEATWAVE IX
Fast-approaching one of the more alarming periods in GZW2K1's history, mid-to-late 2012 would see the promotion facing some very turbulent times which many analysts were sure marked 'The End'. As a result, the ninth annual Heatwave never really stood much of a chance.
The main event was a triple threat match between Icon Nathan Williams, Lord Leon Corbin and Tommy Casper. I'm going to go on record here and say Casper should never be allowed near a Sunday Storm main event, never mind the freakin' main event of Heatwave Nine! Williams, who was somewhere in the middle of his 500 year title reign by this point, won what was your typical, standard match of brutality.
In the night's other main event, Kolic defeated John Champa in an "I Quit" match after Champa had passed out from being smacked over the head with a steel pipe multiple times. Of course, this was a disappointing cop out from GZW2K1 as neither man actually uttered the words "I Quit," leading to boos from the crowd. Directly preceding this, Kolic and Champa would compete on opposing sides in a tag team match also involving Eva Hikari (with Kolic) and Sean Locke (reluctantly paired with Champa). The tag titles were on the line and Kolic/Eva won, so hooray for that.
An unremarkable undercard peaked with Davina Cameron besting Kandi Fortune-Corbin in a Ladder Match; NO ONE cared about Steve Sampson versus Alex Cross; and all the oddities the creative team had nothing else planned for - Killjoy, Kate Greene Gilespie, Vyper and that bland idiot Jon Kellar - competed in a random Fatal Fourway Battle Royale. Unfortunately, Jon Kellar won. Fortunately, it wouldn't matter much as he fucked off again soon enough anyway, in a huff because he wasn't getting another main event run. Fuck you, Jon Kellar, you bald and useless and eternally bland and fatheaded cunt.
The night's comic relief was provided by William Black being revived from his twelve month coma and defeating Bane for the fictional 2003 Lord of the Coliseum title. There were no memorable in-ring or backstage skits.
Heatwave IX was passable but, as the prelude to the darker days which were soon to follow, this event leaves little more than a bitter taste in my mouth.
RATING: 2 Diamonds out of 5.
A Retrospective Quote from that Night's Hyperbolic HotWire Magazine Online Report:
"Heatwave Nine is evidence - as if any was even required - that amazing times lie ahead for GZW2K1."
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEATWAVE IX
Attendance: 70, 114
Pay-Per-View Buys: 1, 356, 642
On the Promotional Poster: Tommy Casper and Leon Corbin
On the DVD Cover: A close-up on the eyes of most Globalstars
Will Heatwave 10 Be the Greatest of them All?
I am really looking forward to seeing GZW2K1 provide a five-star showing with Heatwave 10. I'm optimistic that this may well be the case, but it's not going to be easy. Here's what we know thus far:
1. The main event of Raze defending the GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Championship against Lord Leon Corbin has the potential to be the blockbuster main event that this pay-per-view requires, yet one can't help but feel that this 'Scaffold Match' stipulation is limiting and does more harm than good. How to you win a Scaffold Match anyway? Pin fall? Climbing to the top first? Throwing your opponent off?
2. Sir Chris Cairns and Clancy McClean are set to go at it one more time in the only other match to have been officially announced thus far. While not destined to be an in ring classic, this match should help contribute to the big event 'variety show' feel where there is 'something for everyone' with some much-needed 'light relief' being provided.
3. Plans for a second "Blasts from the Past" Battle Royale - or some similar form of special attraction 'nostalgia' encounter - seem to have fallen through. My remarkable sources suggest that a top secret wish list of former Globalstars was drawn up, with less than ten percent of those listed taking any serious interest in any offer put forward by GroundZero Wrestling 2K1. Rumours suggest that the pitched 'final two' for this year's proposed Battle Royale were Icons Pimp Bizkit and Billy Bond. However, both men supposedly turned down all offers to compete. Vernon Vanderbilt and Maxx Pain are said to have been the only notable names to have even tentatively agreed to a deal, resulting in the proposed plans for "Blasts from the Past II" being killed off in the earliest stages.
4. GZW2K1 has been teasing a #HugeAnnouncement to be revealed on the May 30th edition of Crimson, with the overall implication being that this will have some sort of notable impact on the Heatwave 10 card. My educated guess is that this much-hyped announcement is going to have something to do with one of either two things. Either, we're going to get a special attraction 'secondary' main event, perhaps involving a returning Globalstar, or the HKWF World Heavyweight Championship. Or, we're going to receive some big news with regards to the ongoing mystery surrounding 'Who Ran Over Angel Profit-Williams?' Your guess is almost as good as mine at this stage.
5. In terms of Heatwave debutantes keeping the card fresh, GZW2K1 don't have much in the way of new blood at the moment, but they do have Sir Justinian and Bartholomew the Last. I'd be looking for GZW2K1 to pull the trigger on these guys sooner than is usually expected. Quickly get them involved in a big marquee 'once in a lifetime' attraction match at Heatwave which people are going to want to pay to see. Yes, if that involves having them tag with their idol James Corbin against a team of hurriedly cobbled together outlaws and bandits then just do it.
6. My sources suggest that both Bane and Kolic are without a match for the pay-per-view. Could this be a good time to revisit their Twirker feud from 2012? Also not currently factored into any plans are Phantom, Azrael, Kate Greene-Gilespie, Bagpipey McHaggis, Vyper and Kandi Fortune-Corbin, giving the booking team a few options if they decide to throw some sort of last minute cluster match onto the card. Nonetheless, I have it on very good authority that every other member of the roster has been tentatively booked, including dull newcomer Solomon Fierce.
So, this is the current situation. Things are off to a reasonably strong start with two noteworthy matches already booked alongside some tantalising possibilities for the under card. No doubt the booking committee are having sleepless nights as the days go by.
It is disappointing that GZW2K1 seems to be struggling to get old stars on board for special appearances at this massive event, but that ship seemed to set sail with Heatwave 8, and my hunch is that the megastars of old are to blame here by making some reportedly ludicrous monetary demands, inspired in no small part by GroundZero's 'breaking of the bank' in order to secure Icon Lord John Taylor on announcing duties back in 2011.
On the positive, perhaps this will allow current roster mainstays to better position themselves to ensure Heatwave 10 is all about them. They must grab that spotlight at all costs.
It's looking increasingly likely that we're going to be relying on the new breed to ensure Heatwave 10 is as memorable as it deserves to be.
What we don't want is a complete non-event of a show such as Heatwaves III and IX. We don't want a 'safe and reliable' show such as Heatwave V. We don't want a complete dog's dinner along the lines of Heatwave VI. If the problems which hampered these lesser shows can be avoided, then GZW2K1 has every chance of ensuring Heatwave X will be one of the all-time greats, but this is by no means 100% guaranteed.
The annual 'super' pay-per-views - namely, Heatwave and Aftermath - are usually most warmly received when they offer up the aforementioned 'variety show' / something-for-everyone format. Here's hoping that GZW2K1 can cook up a Remarkable Recipe containing all the ingredients which will come together and create the ultimate Hong Kong dish.
June 30th 2013, Kowloon Park... BE THERE!
