Post by Sir Chris Cairns on Mar 5, 2015 10:55:24 GMT -6
ANNIVERSARY ARMAGEDDON 2014:
Our scene is set in a darkened room lit only by candlelight and the soft, blue-tinted glow of a television set. On the television plays footage from last year's Anniversary Armageddon pay-per-view. The footage showcases the chaotic moments during which Chris Cairns attacked Stephon Davis from behind in a most cowardly fashion in the backstage restrooms, flushing Stephon's head down a toilet, before then bludgeoning Stephon over the back of the skull multiple times with the patented regal scepter.
Cairns: Heh… Wonderful memories…
SIR Chris Cairns sits on his regal throne, stuffing popcorn into his face as he watches the Anniversary Armageddon 2014 footage with a maniacal glint in his eyes. He watches as Stephon Davis suffers a seizure on live pay-per-view, rolling around on the toilet floor in a pool of dirty toilet water and his own blood. Setting his popcorn to one side with a smug smirk, Cairns uses a remote control to pause the video footage right on a big close-up of Stephon's face as the young man's eyes roll into the back of his head, before Cairns then sneers into the camera.
Cairns: It's hard to believe that this archive footage is already one year old. Last year, at Anniversary Armageddon 2014, SIR Chris Cairns - that's me, mates! - brutally assaulted and humiliated Stephon Davis, teaching that little urchin a much-needed lesson in respect and regal humility as I left him lying in a pool of his own blood and piss. Indeed, Young Davis required urgent medical attention that night as he suffered from a seizure and had to be rushed to hospital.
Cairns' eyebrow twitches with nostalgic delight.
Cairns: But very soon, at Anniversary Armageddon 2015, Cairnsy gets to do it all again. The one good thing about Stephon Davis rising from his piss-drenched grave is that Cairnsy gets to torment him and humiliate him yet again before sending him back into his wretched tomb of despair and pissed knickers!
Cairns' face sours as he contemplates something…
Cairns: It's just a great pity then, that at Anniversary Armageddon, I don't get Stephon all to meself in a one-on-one vicious assault in which I would surely showcase me superiority once and for all. No, mates, that won't be happening, because instead it'll be a tag team match. Puzzling, isn't it? So as well as contending with Stephon Davis at Anniversary Armageddon this week, Cairnsy will also be going up against… Tamer.
Canned laughter emphasizes the ridiculousness of Cairns being booked to compete against a peasant as lowly and as forgettable as Tamer. Cairns scoffs.
Cairns: Well let Cairnsy be blunt and clarify one thing reet now: Cairnsy has absolutely no idea who Tamer is, so naturally I did me research, and I sat down and I watched multiple hours' worth of Tamer matches on the Internet and on DVD, and I paid close attention to his arsenal of moves, and his in-ring technique and… oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I sat down and watched looped footage of me flushing Stephon Davis' head down a piss-soaked public toilet! I don't need to know who Tamer is! Cairnsy doesn't need to study Tamer! It doesn't matter to Cairnsy who Tamer is, or what Tamer will be doing once he inevitably gets released from his contract again within the next three months, and it certainly doesn't matter to Cairnsy that Cairnsy is being forced to team with Piss Dragon, because these two Globalstars - if you can even call them that - are mere distractions. They are distractions who have been put in place like the pawns that they are by our esteemed Commissioner: Icon Nathaniel Davis.
Cairns seethes as he names his nemesis.
Cairns: Nathaniel Davis, I hate you. I have hated you for ten years, ever since you first tried to cosy up to Devotion Profit - who was Cairnsy's fiancé at the time - under the false pretense of "protecting her" and "serving " as her "personal bodyguard" during the height of the HKWF wars. You're a smarmy bloomin' prick, Davis, and I've always been the one who saw reet through your nice guy act, and fine you bloody well know it. Back in 2005, and despite the fact that you had a loving wife and children who depended on you, you thought you could just worm your way into the affections of Cairnsy's wife-to-be, but she rejected you. Devotion Profit rejected you ten years ago… and then Cairnsy dumped her anyway, causing her to spiral into a deep depression, after which she was placed into a psychiatric ward shortly after developing suicidal tendencies!
Cairns cackles evilly at the memory, his eyebrow spiking downward into a dastardly V-shape.
Cairns: Nathaniel Davis, from that moment on you held a grudge against Cairnsy and your hatred for me has festered within your black, rotted heart for ten long years, and it is common knowledge by now that you have been trying to keep Cairnsy down, and that you have been trying to keep Cairnsy away from the spotlight. You've been trying to nudge Cairnsy into obscurity for ten years now, whether through booking your 2013 Globalstar of the Year to compete against pathetic jokes such as Happy Sumo or Justinian, or not even booking Cairnsy at all. Ask any veteran here in GZW2K1, whether they felt Cairnsy's complaining was justified or not; ask any veteran here in this company if it's true or false that I have been complaining about the handling of me talent ever since Nathaniel Davis stepped into power. Ask a Lord Leon Pissbin how many times he has heard Cairnsy wail in anguish: "But why is SIR Chris Cairns not booked on this card?!" or "Why is SIR Chris Cairns still waiting for his first shot at a GZW2K1 championship belt?" Because time and time again, year after bloody year, I have had to ask and re-ask these questions, Nathaniel Davis. And you ask a Lord Leon Pissbin, or an Eva "Nemesis" Pisskari, or even a Captain All-Piss just how many times I have called you out, then they will all back me up - whether they like me or not - and they will all testify that I have called you out again and again and again for YEARS. And for all these years, Nathaniel Davis, you have been too much of a coward to face me man to man.
Cairns leans back against his throne, his face bitter and twisted as his jewel-encrusted crown shines in the candlelight.
Cairns: But do you know something, Nathaniel Davis? As much as I have hated you for all these years, there is someone who I have grown to hate even more: Your son, Stephon Davis. See, Nathaniel, as your ultimate act of trying to humiliate me and flaunt your authority over me, you assigned to me a very specific project: your spawn. And as a GZW2K1 Trouble Trax Trainer, I was tasked with building Stephon Davis up to become a GZW2K1 Globalstar years before he had even graduated from high school. And I saw the way that he didn't have to work for it, like Cairnsy had to work for it. Despite how polite and humble and respectful his Daddy had taught him to appear to be, I could see that this slimy little runt was walking around like he bloody well owned the Trouble Trax. Just like his Daddy, Stephon managed to fool everybody into thinking butter wouldn't melt, but Cairnsy knows different! Cairnsy has always known different! Still, from 2009 until 2013 I trained Stephon and I trained him well; I built Stephon up… so that one day I could tear him reet back down again!
Cairns smiles devilishly at the thought.
Cairns: So, Stephon Davis, let me address you directly. You are the product of blatant and disgusting nepotism. I said it one year ago at Anniversary Armageddon, and I'm saying it again as I prepare to end you once and for all at Anniversary Armageddon 2015. You think the sun shines out your arse, and you have the nerve to talk about preserving the goodness of GZW2K1, when you - you little piece of shite - are everything that is wrong with GZW2K1. Cairnsy - in his own regal and merciful way - even offered to be the bigger man in all of this and let bygones be bygones, yet you refused. You just cannot let it go, can you? You continue to threaten Cairnsy and Cairnsy just will not stand for it any longer. We had our troubles throughout 2014 and you are looking to bring those troubles forward into 2015, well that's just fine by me. I thought that I had taught you your regal lesson one year ago when I injured you so severely that you suffered from a seizure on live pay-per-view; I thought that I had humbled you enough last year at Heatwave when I buried you and your waste-of-space father alive in Kowloon Park, before then proceeding to piss on your singular grave. Alas, despite the fact that I have beaten you at every turn, still you return for more. Well rest assured, Stephon, that by the time Anniversary Armageddon has concluded… I will have personally seen to it that you will no longer be psychically capable of snapping at me regal heels any longer. Stephon Davis, one way or another you are going to forever rest… in… pissed… knickers…
The lights slowly dim, with the sparkling light reflecting from Cairns' jewel-encrusted crown being the final thing to succumb to the eerie and foreboding darkness; darkness that envelopes a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to extinguish his foes. His silhouette can only just be made out in the black abyss. He thrusts his scepter into the air as he whispers:
Cairns: SIR Chris Cairns! SIR Chris Cairns! SIR Chris Cairns! SIR Chris Cairns!
Fade to a jam sandwich.
Smiling a contented smile, Stephon turns and pushes open the door to the public restrooms, heading inside with the cameraman following.
Cameraman: Stephon! Quick word on your big victory here tonight? What was it like teaming with the legendary "God of Pain" Bane?
Stephon chuckles as he heads over to the row of sinks.
Stephon: Can't a man have some privacy? Naw, I'm just jokin'. Tonight has been an overwhelmin' experience.
The son of Commissioner Icon Nathaniel Davis turns on the sink taps, scooping up some cold water before drenching it over his face in order to freshen himself up. He then looks at himself in the giant wall mirror.
Stephon: But the journey is only just beginnin'. This is a whole new chapter in my life. I can't wait to get started on the next set of challenges...
Stephon is startled by what he sees in the mirror as one of the toilet stall doors fly open and a figure lunges out at him! Stephon turns... just in time to receive a VICIOUS SCEPTER SHOT TO THE HEAD FROM SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!!
Nelson: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!
Samson: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Stephon is stunned and has zero time in which to react, slumping against the sinks as Cairns hits him with a flurry of brutal scepter jabs to the ribs! Stephon Davis flails wildly, Cairns grabbing him and smashing his face into a paper towel dispenser, breaking the wall-mounted device and sending paper towels scattering everywhere.
Nelson: Good grief, Chris Cairns is absolutely unhinged! Get security back there!
Stephon falls to the floor in among all the mayhem as Cairns hits him with blow after manic blow. As the young rookie tries to scurry back to his feet, Cairns smacks him in the back of the head with the heavy, regal scepter. Stephon stumbles and falls through one of the toilet stall doors, stopping just short from falling into the toilet.
Crumb: This is an unprovoked assault by the cowardly Cairns! What reason is there for this madness?!
Stephon writhes on the toilet floor in agony as Cairns stands above him, breathless.
Stephon: Coach Cairns! Please! Wha... What's the meanin' of this?
Cairns: 'COACH' CAIRNS? BLOODY 'COACH' CAIRNS, IS IT?!
Cairns kicks the kneeling Stephon in the ribs.
Cairns: It's SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
CAIRNS HAMMERS THE SCEPTER DOWN OVER THE BACK OF STEPHON'S HEAD!
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!!
AND A SECOND TIME! Stephon is barely conscious, with not enough room in the cramped toilet stall for his limp body to even be laid out flat as his freshly busted-open head is propped up against the toilet seat. Cairns, breathing erratically, lifts up the toilet seat and grabs Stephon by the ear, pushing down on the back of Stephon's head, pushing Stephon's face all the way down into the bowels of the toilet as the fans gasp in shock and disgust.
Cairns: Let's see where Daddy's blatant nepotism gets you now, eh?
With Stephon's head stuffed deep into the toilet, Cairns pulls the lever, causing the toilet to let out an almighty flush!
Nelson: AW FER GAWD'S SAKES! THIS IS SICKENING! THIS IS UNCALLED FOR!! WHAT THE HELL IS CAIRNS TRYING TO ACHIEVE?!
Stephon's body is limp, his head submerged in the toilet. Cairns slams the toilet seat lid down on Stephon's head before SMASHING THE HEAVY SCEPTER INTO THE LID! The splashing of the dirty toilet water is heard as Davis' head flails beneath the lid.
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Cairns again smashes the scepter down into the toilet seat, Stephon's body jolting with the shock.
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!!
And a third time from Cairns!
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Nelson: SOMEBODY STOP THIS DAMMIT!!
Cairns smashes the scepter down a fourth time, breaking the toilet seat lid clean in two. The broken shards of plastic fall to either side, revealing Stephon's bloodied, soaking wet head as the fans out in the arena give a low murmur of shock, disgust and concern. Stephon spasms, head still in the toilet bowl - which is smeared in blood - as a breathless Cairns steps backwards, surveying his work.
Cairns: I think you'll find... that you WILL regret screwing me over, Davis.
Cairns is startled as officials flood in through the door. Cairns turns and runs off in the opposite direction, escaping through the fire exit as at least a dozen officials and medics rush to the aide of Stephon Davis. His head is pulled from the toilet and it's not a pretty sight as he is caked in blood and toilet water, with wads of paper towels stuck to random parts of his body. Blood is smeared over the toilet and floor tiles as the officials talk in hushed tones, young Davis with his eyes closed as his body jolts and spasms.
Nelson: My God, he is having a seizure.
A stretcher is quickly brought in. All that is left of Cairns is his crown, which fell off at some point during the melee. A medic tries to stem the flow of the bleeding from Stephon's head as the stretcher is prepared for him. Still, his body shudders violently from time to time.
Cameraman: Stephon! Quick word on your big victory here tonight? What was it like teaming with the legendary "God of Pain" Bane?
Stephon chuckles as he heads over to the row of sinks.
Stephon: Can't a man have some privacy? Naw, I'm just jokin'. Tonight has been an overwhelmin' experience.
The son of Commissioner Icon Nathaniel Davis turns on the sink taps, scooping up some cold water before drenching it over his face in order to freshen himself up. He then looks at himself in the giant wall mirror.
Stephon: But the journey is only just beginnin'. This is a whole new chapter in my life. I can't wait to get started on the next set of challenges...
Stephon is startled by what he sees in the mirror as one of the toilet stall doors fly open and a figure lunges out at him! Stephon turns... just in time to receive a VICIOUS SCEPTER SHOT TO THE HEAD FROM SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!!
Nelson: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!
Samson: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Stephon is stunned and has zero time in which to react, slumping against the sinks as Cairns hits him with a flurry of brutal scepter jabs to the ribs! Stephon Davis flails wildly, Cairns grabbing him and smashing his face into a paper towel dispenser, breaking the wall-mounted device and sending paper towels scattering everywhere.
Nelson: Good grief, Chris Cairns is absolutely unhinged! Get security back there!
Stephon falls to the floor in among all the mayhem as Cairns hits him with blow after manic blow. As the young rookie tries to scurry back to his feet, Cairns smacks him in the back of the head with the heavy, regal scepter. Stephon stumbles and falls through one of the toilet stall doors, stopping just short from falling into the toilet.
Crumb: This is an unprovoked assault by the cowardly Cairns! What reason is there for this madness?!
Stephon writhes on the toilet floor in agony as Cairns stands above him, breathless.
Stephon: Coach Cairns! Please! Wha... What's the meanin' of this?
Cairns: 'COACH' CAIRNS? BLOODY 'COACH' CAIRNS, IS IT?!
Cairns kicks the kneeling Stephon in the ribs.
Cairns: It's SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
CAIRNS HAMMERS THE SCEPTER DOWN OVER THE BACK OF STEPHON'S HEAD!
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!!
AND A SECOND TIME! Stephon is barely conscious, with not enough room in the cramped toilet stall for his limp body to even be laid out flat as his freshly busted-open head is propped up against the toilet seat. Cairns, breathing erratically, lifts up the toilet seat and grabs Stephon by the ear, pushing down on the back of Stephon's head, pushing Stephon's face all the way down into the bowels of the toilet as the fans gasp in shock and disgust.
Cairns: Let's see where Daddy's blatant nepotism gets you now, eh?
With Stephon's head stuffed deep into the toilet, Cairns pulls the lever, causing the toilet to let out an almighty flush!
Nelson: AW FER GAWD'S SAKES! THIS IS SICKENING! THIS IS UNCALLED FOR!! WHAT THE HELL IS CAIRNS TRYING TO ACHIEVE?!
Stephon's body is limp, his head submerged in the toilet. Cairns slams the toilet seat lid down on Stephon's head before SMASHING THE HEAVY SCEPTER INTO THE LID! The splashing of the dirty toilet water is heard as Davis' head flails beneath the lid.
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Cairns again smashes the scepter down into the toilet seat, Stephon's body jolting with the shock.
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!!
And a third time from Cairns!
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Nelson: SOMEBODY STOP THIS DAMMIT!!
Cairns smashes the scepter down a fourth time, breaking the toilet seat lid clean in two. The broken shards of plastic fall to either side, revealing Stephon's bloodied, soaking wet head as the fans out in the arena give a low murmur of shock, disgust and concern. Stephon spasms, head still in the toilet bowl - which is smeared in blood - as a breathless Cairns steps backwards, surveying his work.
Cairns: I think you'll find... that you WILL regret screwing me over, Davis.
Cairns is startled as officials flood in through the door. Cairns turns and runs off in the opposite direction, escaping through the fire exit as at least a dozen officials and medics rush to the aide of Stephon Davis. His head is pulled from the toilet and it's not a pretty sight as he is caked in blood and toilet water, with wads of paper towels stuck to random parts of his body. Blood is smeared over the toilet and floor tiles as the officials talk in hushed tones, young Davis with his eyes closed as his body jolts and spasms.
Nelson: My God, he is having a seizure.
A stretcher is quickly brought in. All that is left of Cairns is his crown, which fell off at some point during the melee. A medic tries to stem the flow of the bleeding from Stephon's head as the stretcher is prepared for him. Still, his body shudders violently from time to time.
Our scene is set in a darkened room lit only by candlelight and the soft, blue-tinted glow of a television set. On the television plays footage from last year's Anniversary Armageddon pay-per-view. The footage showcases the chaotic moments during which Chris Cairns attacked Stephon Davis from behind in a most cowardly fashion in the backstage restrooms, flushing Stephon's head down a toilet, before then bludgeoning Stephon over the back of the skull multiple times with the patented regal scepter.
Cairns: Heh… Wonderful memories…
SIR Chris Cairns sits on his regal throne, stuffing popcorn into his face as he watches the Anniversary Armageddon 2014 footage with a maniacal glint in his eyes. He watches as Stephon Davis suffers a seizure on live pay-per-view, rolling around on the toilet floor in a pool of dirty toilet water and his own blood. Setting his popcorn to one side with a smug smirk, Cairns uses a remote control to pause the video footage right on a big close-up of Stephon's face as the young man's eyes roll into the back of his head, before Cairns then sneers into the camera.
Cairns: It's hard to believe that this archive footage is already one year old. Last year, at Anniversary Armageddon 2014, SIR Chris Cairns - that's me, mates! - brutally assaulted and humiliated Stephon Davis, teaching that little urchin a much-needed lesson in respect and regal humility as I left him lying in a pool of his own blood and piss. Indeed, Young Davis required urgent medical attention that night as he suffered from a seizure and had to be rushed to hospital.
Cairns' eyebrow twitches with nostalgic delight.
Cairns: But very soon, at Anniversary Armageddon 2015, Cairnsy gets to do it all again. The one good thing about Stephon Davis rising from his piss-drenched grave is that Cairnsy gets to torment him and humiliate him yet again before sending him back into his wretched tomb of despair and pissed knickers!
Cairns' face sours as he contemplates something…
Cairns: It's just a great pity then, that at Anniversary Armageddon, I don't get Stephon all to meself in a one-on-one vicious assault in which I would surely showcase me superiority once and for all. No, mates, that won't be happening, because instead it'll be a tag team match. Puzzling, isn't it? So as well as contending with Stephon Davis at Anniversary Armageddon this week, Cairnsy will also be going up against… Tamer.
Canned laughter emphasizes the ridiculousness of Cairns being booked to compete against a peasant as lowly and as forgettable as Tamer. Cairns scoffs.
Cairns: Well let Cairnsy be blunt and clarify one thing reet now: Cairnsy has absolutely no idea who Tamer is, so naturally I did me research, and I sat down and I watched multiple hours' worth of Tamer matches on the Internet and on DVD, and I paid close attention to his arsenal of moves, and his in-ring technique and… oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I sat down and watched looped footage of me flushing Stephon Davis' head down a piss-soaked public toilet! I don't need to know who Tamer is! Cairnsy doesn't need to study Tamer! It doesn't matter to Cairnsy who Tamer is, or what Tamer will be doing once he inevitably gets released from his contract again within the next three months, and it certainly doesn't matter to Cairnsy that Cairnsy is being forced to team with Piss Dragon, because these two Globalstars - if you can even call them that - are mere distractions. They are distractions who have been put in place like the pawns that they are by our esteemed Commissioner: Icon Nathaniel Davis.
Cairns seethes as he names his nemesis.
Cairns: Nathaniel Davis, I hate you. I have hated you for ten years, ever since you first tried to cosy up to Devotion Profit - who was Cairnsy's fiancé at the time - under the false pretense of "protecting her" and "serving " as her "personal bodyguard" during the height of the HKWF wars. You're a smarmy bloomin' prick, Davis, and I've always been the one who saw reet through your nice guy act, and fine you bloody well know it. Back in 2005, and despite the fact that you had a loving wife and children who depended on you, you thought you could just worm your way into the affections of Cairnsy's wife-to-be, but she rejected you. Devotion Profit rejected you ten years ago… and then Cairnsy dumped her anyway, causing her to spiral into a deep depression, after which she was placed into a psychiatric ward shortly after developing suicidal tendencies!
Cairns cackles evilly at the memory, his eyebrow spiking downward into a dastardly V-shape.
Cairns: Nathaniel Davis, from that moment on you held a grudge against Cairnsy and your hatred for me has festered within your black, rotted heart for ten long years, and it is common knowledge by now that you have been trying to keep Cairnsy down, and that you have been trying to keep Cairnsy away from the spotlight. You've been trying to nudge Cairnsy into obscurity for ten years now, whether through booking your 2013 Globalstar of the Year to compete against pathetic jokes such as Happy Sumo or Justinian, or not even booking Cairnsy at all. Ask any veteran here in GZW2K1, whether they felt Cairnsy's complaining was justified or not; ask any veteran here in this company if it's true or false that I have been complaining about the handling of me talent ever since Nathaniel Davis stepped into power. Ask a Lord Leon Pissbin how many times he has heard Cairnsy wail in anguish: "But why is SIR Chris Cairns not booked on this card?!" or "Why is SIR Chris Cairns still waiting for his first shot at a GZW2K1 championship belt?" Because time and time again, year after bloody year, I have had to ask and re-ask these questions, Nathaniel Davis. And you ask a Lord Leon Pissbin, or an Eva "Nemesis" Pisskari, or even a Captain All-Piss just how many times I have called you out, then they will all back me up - whether they like me or not - and they will all testify that I have called you out again and again and again for YEARS. And for all these years, Nathaniel Davis, you have been too much of a coward to face me man to man.
Cairns leans back against his throne, his face bitter and twisted as his jewel-encrusted crown shines in the candlelight.
Cairns: But do you know something, Nathaniel Davis? As much as I have hated you for all these years, there is someone who I have grown to hate even more: Your son, Stephon Davis. See, Nathaniel, as your ultimate act of trying to humiliate me and flaunt your authority over me, you assigned to me a very specific project: your spawn. And as a GZW2K1 Trouble Trax Trainer, I was tasked with building Stephon Davis up to become a GZW2K1 Globalstar years before he had even graduated from high school. And I saw the way that he didn't have to work for it, like Cairnsy had to work for it. Despite how polite and humble and respectful his Daddy had taught him to appear to be, I could see that this slimy little runt was walking around like he bloody well owned the Trouble Trax. Just like his Daddy, Stephon managed to fool everybody into thinking butter wouldn't melt, but Cairnsy knows different! Cairnsy has always known different! Still, from 2009 until 2013 I trained Stephon and I trained him well; I built Stephon up… so that one day I could tear him reet back down again!
Cairns smiles devilishly at the thought.
Cairns: So, Stephon Davis, let me address you directly. You are the product of blatant and disgusting nepotism. I said it one year ago at Anniversary Armageddon, and I'm saying it again as I prepare to end you once and for all at Anniversary Armageddon 2015. You think the sun shines out your arse, and you have the nerve to talk about preserving the goodness of GZW2K1, when you - you little piece of shite - are everything that is wrong with GZW2K1. Cairnsy - in his own regal and merciful way - even offered to be the bigger man in all of this and let bygones be bygones, yet you refused. You just cannot let it go, can you? You continue to threaten Cairnsy and Cairnsy just will not stand for it any longer. We had our troubles throughout 2014 and you are looking to bring those troubles forward into 2015, well that's just fine by me. I thought that I had taught you your regal lesson one year ago when I injured you so severely that you suffered from a seizure on live pay-per-view; I thought that I had humbled you enough last year at Heatwave when I buried you and your waste-of-space father alive in Kowloon Park, before then proceeding to piss on your singular grave. Alas, despite the fact that I have beaten you at every turn, still you return for more. Well rest assured, Stephon, that by the time Anniversary Armageddon has concluded… I will have personally seen to it that you will no longer be psychically capable of snapping at me regal heels any longer. Stephon Davis, one way or another you are going to forever rest… in… pissed… knickers…
The lights slowly dim, with the sparkling light reflecting from Cairns' jewel-encrusted crown being the final thing to succumb to the eerie and foreboding darkness; darkness that envelopes a man who is willing to do whatever it takes to extinguish his foes. His silhouette can only just be made out in the black abyss. He thrusts his scepter into the air as he whispers:
Cairns: SIR Chris Cairns! SIR Chris Cairns! SIR Chris Cairns! SIR Chris Cairns!
Fade to a jam sandwich.
