Dear Pimp... edition 4

[Mike]

Dear Pimp….. edition 4

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Hey Pimp Bizkit Fans,

Pimp Bizkit here writing from the comfort, or discomfort as I might very well add from a Japanese Hotel. I can’t even pronounce the name of the hotel so I’m not going to type it because if I did they would probably sue me somehow for bad mouthing them.
You know I asked for room service OVER an hour ago, but anyway I have a job to do and an article to write to give some sorry idiots advice, because as usual we keep finding more and more saddos who need to get a life, and learn to live their own. But NO they need people like myself to sort out their problems, not that, I care cause guess who gets paid to write this?
Anyway onto this weeks looser of the week, and rather strange I might add this week.

“Puppy Love”<br>

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EVER since my boyfriend got a puppy two years ago we haven’t been out on a date because he is too worried about leaving it at home on its own.

I am 33 and my boyfriend is 34. We bought the puppy to replace his old dog which ran away, and my fella is scared the same thing will happen to this one.

We don’t go out for anniversaries, birthdays or even New Year’s Eve.

Now he has started working nights so he can be at home with the dog during the day.

He spends hours walking this dog and treats it like a spoiled child even though it is still not house-trained and often chews the furniture and empties the rubbish bin.

I love my partner and don’t think it’s unreasonable of me to want to spend some time with him alone every now and then.

I believe relationships are about give and take, and right now I’m the one doing all the giving and being taken for granted.

If things don’t change soon it may be me who runs away next.
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Okay so I’ll start by my usual presumption that you’re female, and a female in her 30’s okay. Women in their thirties still has right to some fun, and how many times to I need to ask you women to send in a photo of yourself with the letter, that way I can see what you look like, and that way I can possibly even give you some tutoring too.

Well anyway your boyfriend bought a puppy, and now you don’t go on dates anymore, well if that’s such a huge problem why not kill off the damn dog, yes you might hurt him, but he’ll get over it and it might solve all that damn problems, but I think I’ll be hearing the RSPCA come knocking on my door after that one. Anyway so the first dog ran away or was that because you took my first piece of advice to get rid of it once and for all. Well it seems he loves the damn thing that craps on pavements, chews on shoes, and gets dog hair everywhere. He seems to love the dog more than you, which is very sad and pathetic. I think you need to confront your man, ask if he’s gay? Or whether or not he commits bestiality which is making love to animals, sick isn’t it? Why are you with this freak who loves animals that’s what you have got to ask yourself, do you want to be associated with an animal lover. This has put question into MY mind as to what you look like, is the animal lover with you because you look like an animal.

[Mike]

He needs to be taught a lesson in manliness, he needs to know that being scared is one thing, but being scared of your dog running away is just strange. Especially a man in his thirties, I question his sanity at being scared, these are the kind of people that hug trees, and make strange noises. I think madam you need to get him to see some kind doctor about this, he may need professional help with that, and that I AM being serious about.

He treats the dog like a spoiled child eh? let me tell you I know all about spoiled children I mean I grew up with two in Devotion and Angel, Angel being daddies little girl of course, after all who did my father had power to in GZW certainly NOT me it was Angel, damn spoiled brat. Simple answer is you should leave him, and if you’re fit come see me I know all about your problems about someone getting spoiled so come see me when you can I’ll help you sort out all your problems.

To right you’re the one doing all the giving but relationships are not all about give and take, they’re all about take, take, take, take all you can. You need to know when to take, and after doing all, the giving you know that now you need to take, so take all you can get a divorce, take the dog out of the damn equation and take yourself out of his life. It doesn’t seem like he cares all that much about you so why should you stay with him? You should want to get out now, and experience some of all the other fruits that are around you.

You’re not the one being unreasonable in this relationship, and you need to understand that HE IS being unreasonable. If he wants you he’ll change if he doesn’t get the hell out of her, and let each other move on, no point being stuck with a geek now if there? I mean if he doesn’t want to go out, and just spends time with a blasted animal he’s obviously a geek, and should be used to being treated as an animal himself so why don’t you treat him like an animal, but one higher up in the food chain than him. Like I am in the GZW, I’m the predator around there and it feels great to be the predator, it’s awful being the hunted, or so I here.

But when I finished your letter I think you have gathered your own solution to your problems. Run away I mean I have heard people say running away solves nothing bollocks it doesn’t it can solve everything. It’s often the wise thing to do to get away from someone. Especially if they have the advantage, not that I would know about that cause I’m, so great that I ALWAYS have the advantage whatever it is and wherever it is, I always make sure I am the one with the advantage because of my skill, and ability to do so is what has made me the United States Champion. I’m on top of that world because I use my head, now lady you use yours and leave while you can, if you can’t do that threaten to leave, and tell him straight break his damn heart and see if he really loves you. If you can’t even do that try taking the damn spoiled dog out of the equation and see if that solves anything.

Anyway Readers that all we have in this edition, hope you enjoyed reading about some looser who isn’t experiencing what life can offer, and even a puppy dog is being chosen over her. Don’t forget to keep sending in those letter I’m loving reading each and everyone one of them, I’ll try and get through as many as I can but I can’t promise I’m only one man you know!

So till next time my fans

Bye.



Written by Pimp Bizkit of GZW
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