Post by Clancy McClean on Aug 2, 2004 14:25:49 GMT -6
Just Business
[/size][/b][/u][/I]Topical Hotwire Opinion With Clancy McClean
Sweat no more, fools – your Philanthropist is here!
As always, I am the prolific “Renaissance Man”. Perhaps you know me as “Wealth Personified”? How about “The Connoisseur”? “GZW’s Most Affluent”? “The Milkman”? “The Businessman”? But of course, you can just call me Sir. I am the magnificent Clancy McClean; prominent shareholder in more than a few conglomerates, decorated and established wrestling personality, original manager of former Tag Team Champions What Money Can Buy and front-runner to replace Seth Richards as GZW President as soon as it’s revealed exactly what he did to rid this businessman from the GZW picture in late 2001… And oh, yeah; I just happen to write Hotwire’s flagship periodical, “Just Business”!
For those of you with the ability to count more than the number of hairs left on your fat, balding heads, today’s edition will already be noteworthy? Why? Because this is the TENTH edition of this sensational column!!! That’s right, the number after nine. The one before the two ones… Got it? Of course you don’t, but that hardly matters at this stage. What does matter is that the GZW has just come off of it’s first Pay-Per-View event of the year in Fallout: Return To Glory. Poor pre-planning on the part of a second-rate President prevented the show from going off entirely without a hitch, but it has to be said that the show was worth the wait, if only for the epic main event in which the fountain of talent that is Pimp Bizkit realised his boyhood dream in capturing his first ever World Heavyweight Championship, managing to knock the past-it John Taylor down a couple of rungs in the process. Of course, that was the headline in all the papers, but of course the show was more than just those spectacular finishing moments of Pimp celebrating the victory of a lifetime… And that’s where I come in. Join me, oh poorly educated ones, as I dive right in and get down to business. JUST BUSINESS[/b], that is![/color]
Phillip Tytan versus Edwin MacPhisto[/u][/color]
A rock-solid opener, if ever I saw one. This being both men’s GZW PPV debut, they were out to impress. Being a Heretic, Phillip Tytan did nothing but. Tytan has it all ahead of him; he’s big, strong, young and smart. Those attributes, separately, have made up past World Heavyweight Champions… When combined, they could make for the most dominating force this company’s ever seen. Somewhere down the line, of course. Right now, Tytan’s just biding his time and he certainly proved exactly why Pimp Bizkit has chosen to align himself with him by tearing into MacPhisto in this one. Not only that, but Tytan carried the inexperienced Australian for the entire match. MacPhisto was so nervous he couldn’t pronounce the word “G’Day”… Of course, MacPhisto got his cheap little win and won the battle, but Tytan certainly won the war with a vicious powerbomb post-match. I expect big things from Tytan. I expect a pizza delivered in thirty minutes or less from MacPhisto.
"Untouchable" Kaine versus The Cursed Angel
Certainly a high-flying affair, if a little dull, given such little promotion generated by either man. However, that may be intentional from both of these guys. Quite frankly, these two have yet to make any serious waves within the company and have yet to make a name for themselves. The similarities between the two - young, quick, high-flying, unorthodox styles – cannot be ignored. What better way for either man to advance than to get a clear and decisive win over the other and leave it at that. The Cursed Angel was the man to get the win, and he seems to indeed have left it at that. It simply is of no benefit for either man to get into a personal feud with the other at this moment in time, at a moment when the vacant W.C.E.K. Television Title will soon be decided and the contendership slots for said title will begin to fill up… Whilst it might not be true, Cursed Angel can now say that he is simply better than Kaine, that he is the top Light Heavyweight and thus he has the opportunity to advance higher up in the card… One Light Heavyweight in the World Heavyweight Title picture would already have it difficult enough, there simply isn’t room for two…
"The Berserker" Paul Phoenix versus "The Black Rose" Shane Ryder[/color]
Yawn. My comrade Dean Fisher put it nicely when he called these men “wasters”. I would’ve been better off going for a second eyebrow shaping whilst this atrocity was taking place. Let me pose to you one question – how can a man go from the very top of one federation, to said federation’s sister promotion as a potential World Heavyweight Champion and then blow everything? Paul Phoenix had everything to gain… He undoubtedly has the ability… He had the readymade gimmick in his prison sentence… And he blows everything. What about Shane Ryder then? He went from, well, nothing to, surprise, nothing. It’s pure laziness and a lack of dedication to the sport that reduces these two possible superstars to a convenient pre-intermission intermission… Wait, Shane Ryder won. Do I care? No. Should you care? …Why are you asking me? Go eat the rest of your vanilla turkey and quit pestering me…
"The Dark Angel" Seven versus "Buzzing" Electric Sharpe
This one had it all – Seven promo with standard-issue five minutes of inane shouting, high-flying from Sharpe and heavy-hitting from Seven… Not to mention, of course, the soap opera commentary team! In my preview of this match last week, I predicted that Sharpe would come out victorious in this one. I was wrong. Does that make me any less brilliant? No. Good. As long as we have that clear then I’ll move on. Sharpe was facing an uphill battle from the VERY get-go at RtG, in that he had two matches in the one night. Unlike the oft-name dropped Ring Of Honour Inductee Jason Makavelli, however, these were not just throwaway TV Title defences against whatever curtain-jerkers were somehow left out of the initial booking, Sharpe had two hard matches. In this one, not only did he have to face a man over a hundred pounds heavier and a foot taller than himself, but a slot in the W.C.E.K. TV Championship tournament final was on the line… So Sharpe lost. So what? Seven won. So what? In chokeslamming Sharpe from the top rope and ultimately defeating him, Seven made himself a group of enemies far more dominating than he could even comprehend… Nice move, you headstrong jerk.
"The Unbreakable Female" Tonya Glory versus James Tanner
Needless feminism and second-rate drama aside, this one was a solid match. It featured a lot of back and forth action and in the end left Tonya Glory with two too many undeserved title shots. The fact that Commissioner Devotion agreed to Glory’s demand to getting the first title shot against the new World Heavyweight Champion certainly did a lot to help the aforementioned Elexia Croix knockoff and ultimately gave her that extra bit of drive that “hot penis” Tanner lacked… I must say that the commentary, specifically that from my racquetball buddy Joshua Samson, was top notch. That’s right, I paid more attention to the commentary for a considerable portion of this match than the actual match itself! Alright, alright, I’ll give credit where credit is due. The finish was a welcome high-spot. Whilst not edge-of-seatingly exciting, I did consider having someone turn up the volume for me. So… Seven versus Glory in the final. Nice… Too bad for Glory, though, she’ll be zero and two against Pimp Bizkit by the time her World Heavyweight Title shot comes around.[/size][/center]
