Post by Sir Chris Cairns on Sept 21, 2012 10:46:31 GMT -6
Bonjour, marionnettes et des moutons. My name is "The Human Miracle" Quarrie Naughton Caprice - future GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Champion - and I have been tasked with mentoring you losers in the fine art of how to get laid the Caprice way. Oui, I shall be imparting my infinite wisdom on how I get it done with the ladies, leaving them panting on their hands and knees and begging me for more... more... more...!
I promise that I shall be able to improve your chances of getting laid at least somewhat. Easier said than done of course, considering most of you have faces even uglier than your own career prospects. Alas, here are my introductory tips on how to impress the women of your dreams:
1. You Won't Get the Woman of Your Dreams. Aim Lower.
Unlike myself - who can have any female I choose crawling at my feet - most of you hommes simples reading this will lack the simple natural elements required in order to get the job done. That supermodel you wanna bang? Forget about it, perdant dégoûtant. She's got her sights set only on successful, muscular, rich guys - like me. She doesn't even realise that you exist! Sucks to be you, huh?
So what you have to do is aim a little lower. See that fat chick? She's more in your league. See that girl with the cleavage even more non-existent than Munin's? That's the type of girl you should be trying to latch onto. Actually, here's a good way for me to frame this: Davina Cameron is waaay out of your league. Too beautiful. Too sexy. Munin, on the other hand, is someone who even you, dear reader, have a chance of reeling in! I mean, she hangs out with Alex Cross, for goodness sake! Evidently, some people have zero class, and no standards whatsoever. This bodes well for the majority of you who are reading this right now.
Take Advantage of Women who have Low Self-Esteem
With the obvious exceptions (Davina Cameron), most women are fragile, silly creatures who require a constant stream of compliments and reassurance in order to function properly. Unfortunately, some women are uglier than others - far uglier, in Munin's case - and so they don't really get many compliments at all. Ever! Thus, they become insecure and forever lack confidence. Following Alex Cross' lead, this is your perfect opportunity to jump right in and latch onto women who are even less appealing than a week-old tuna sandwich. Women like Munin are ripe for the plucking!!
Much like that loser Alex Cross, it is wholly possible to zero in on an ugly beast and make her feel like a real women. Make her feel sexy. Pay that fat chick compliments. Tell that skank with the scraggly hair just how hot her fashion sense really is! Tell that girl with the bushy eyebrows how wonderful and alluring her eyes and lips are. Lie! Always lie! It's okay to lie! After all, dear reader, you are just as ugly as the ugly girls you'll be chasing. You are at the lower end of the eco system and there is nothing wrong with that. Not everybody can be as beautiful as Quarrie Naughton Caprice or Davina Cameron.
These are my introductory tips on how to navigate your way through the confusing world of dating. Confusing for you, at least. But worry not, because with my wisdom and your eagerness to learn, I'm sure we'll manage to get you laid at least once prior to my upcoming GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Championship reign!
I promise that I shall be able to improve your chances of getting laid at least somewhat. Easier said than done of course, considering most of you have faces even uglier than your own career prospects. Alas, here are my introductory tips on how to impress the women of your dreams:
1. You Won't Get the Woman of Your Dreams. Aim Lower.
Unlike myself - who can have any female I choose crawling at my feet - most of you hommes simples reading this will lack the simple natural elements required in order to get the job done. That supermodel you wanna bang? Forget about it, perdant dégoûtant. She's got her sights set only on successful, muscular, rich guys - like me. She doesn't even realise that you exist! Sucks to be you, huh?
So what you have to do is aim a little lower. See that fat chick? She's more in your league. See that girl with the cleavage even more non-existent than Munin's? That's the type of girl you should be trying to latch onto. Actually, here's a good way for me to frame this: Davina Cameron is waaay out of your league. Too beautiful. Too sexy. Munin, on the other hand, is someone who even you, dear reader, have a chance of reeling in! I mean, she hangs out with Alex Cross, for goodness sake! Evidently, some people have zero class, and no standards whatsoever. This bodes well for the majority of you who are reading this right now.
Take Advantage of Women who have Low Self-Esteem
With the obvious exceptions (Davina Cameron), most women are fragile, silly creatures who require a constant stream of compliments and reassurance in order to function properly. Unfortunately, some women are uglier than others - far uglier, in Munin's case - and so they don't really get many compliments at all. Ever! Thus, they become insecure and forever lack confidence. Following Alex Cross' lead, this is your perfect opportunity to jump right in and latch onto women who are even less appealing than a week-old tuna sandwich. Women like Munin are ripe for the plucking!!
Much like that loser Alex Cross, it is wholly possible to zero in on an ugly beast and make her feel like a real women. Make her feel sexy. Pay that fat chick compliments. Tell that skank with the scraggly hair just how hot her fashion sense really is! Tell that girl with the bushy eyebrows how wonderful and alluring her eyes and lips are. Lie! Always lie! It's okay to lie! After all, dear reader, you are just as ugly as the ugly girls you'll be chasing. You are at the lower end of the eco system and there is nothing wrong with that. Not everybody can be as beautiful as Quarrie Naughton Caprice or Davina Cameron.
These are my introductory tips on how to navigate your way through the confusing world of dating. Confusing for you, at least. But worry not, because with my wisdom and your eagerness to learn, I'm sure we'll manage to get you laid at least once prior to my upcoming GZW2K1 World Heavyweight Championship reign!
