Post by Sir Chris Cairns on Apr 10, 2015 19:35:02 GMT -6
The Benny Hill theme tune is looped over and over again as footage of SIR Chris Cairns giving Stpehon "Bland" Davis a low blow with the regal scepter on the most recent Crimson borecast is also looped over and over again. We cut to SIR Chris Cairns sat on his regal throne in "Buckingham Palace", watching the looped footage of Stephon's demise on his 30,000-inch HD television. With a huge bucket of popcorn sat in his lap, Cairns cackles joyfully every... single.... time that the moment of impact is made betwixt his golden scepter and Stephon's bollocks.
Cairns: Hahahaha! I told you, Stephon Davis, you useless streak of piss! I told you, did I not? I bloody well TOLD YOU that I'd cause you yet more grief at Crimson Knickers and that is exactly what Cairnsy went and done!
The infuriating Benny Hill theme continues to blare from the television speakers as Cairns shouts to be heard above it, eyeing the camera with gleeful euphoria as his eyebrow spikes down into a dastardly frown.
Cairns: Aye, Stephon, that's reet; SIR Chris Cairns bested you yet again and ruined your chances of defeating Pissper Sanchez for the GZW2K1 Transexual Heavyweight Championship! Unlucky, mate, but that's what happens when you're a big girl's blouse who has to hide behind his Daddy's authority and shameless nepotism while pissing your frilly, pink knickers in fear!
Cairns stirs his popcorn with his scepter before then grabbing a handful and shoving them into his face. He munches the popcorn like a starved lion that has just been forced to sit through a Stephon Davis promo marathon.
Cairns: This popcorn is tasty, but it is not as tasty nor as satisfying as your imminent death, Stephon Davis! Now, people might just think that Cairnsy is repeating himself yet again while you continue to not say a word, but that just is not so! Actually... yes it is. Why do I even bother?
Cairns ponders why he even bothers.
Cairns: Well, I'm not going to rest until you're dead and buried, Stephon Davis!
Cairns goes back to watching the looped footage of Stephon Davis being smacked in the balls with the scepter, Cairns laughing so uncontrollably that he soon spills all of his popcorn onto the floor. He bangs his regal scepter off the floor in a blind rage.
Cairns: FOR FUCK SAKE! DAMIEN SHITE-KNIGHT, GET IN HERE!!!
Wearing a maid's uniform, Damien Knight scurries into the room with a Henry Hoover and begins to vacuum up the spilled popcorn bits. For no real reason at all, Cairns takes extreme issue with Damien Knight and smacks him across the kidneys with the regal scepter. Cairns stands as a pained Damien Knight hunches over, gasping for breath. Cairns smacks Damien Knight once more with the scepter, causing Knight to fall to the floor.
Cairns: TAKE THAT, McCLEAN! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Damien Knight screams out in pain as he pleads for Cairns to stop. But Cairns does not stop. He smashes Knight's body with blow after vicious scepter blow. Damien Knight flails on the ground as the Benny Hill theme continues. Our scene mercifully fades and this filler promo comes to an end, with the Benny Hill theme ringing in our ears.
Cairns: Hahahaha! I told you, Stephon Davis, you useless streak of piss! I told you, did I not? I bloody well TOLD YOU that I'd cause you yet more grief at Crimson Knickers and that is exactly what Cairnsy went and done!
The infuriating Benny Hill theme continues to blare from the television speakers as Cairns shouts to be heard above it, eyeing the camera with gleeful euphoria as his eyebrow spikes down into a dastardly frown.
Cairns: Aye, Stephon, that's reet; SIR Chris Cairns bested you yet again and ruined your chances of defeating Pissper Sanchez for the GZW2K1 Transexual Heavyweight Championship! Unlucky, mate, but that's what happens when you're a big girl's blouse who has to hide behind his Daddy's authority and shameless nepotism while pissing your frilly, pink knickers in fear!
Cairns stirs his popcorn with his scepter before then grabbing a handful and shoving them into his face. He munches the popcorn like a starved lion that has just been forced to sit through a Stephon Davis promo marathon.
Cairns: This popcorn is tasty, but it is not as tasty nor as satisfying as your imminent death, Stephon Davis! Now, people might just think that Cairnsy is repeating himself yet again while you continue to not say a word, but that just is not so! Actually... yes it is. Why do I even bother?
Cairns ponders why he even bothers.
Cairns: Well, I'm not going to rest until you're dead and buried, Stephon Davis!
Cairns goes back to watching the looped footage of Stephon Davis being smacked in the balls with the scepter, Cairns laughing so uncontrollably that he soon spills all of his popcorn onto the floor. He bangs his regal scepter off the floor in a blind rage.
Cairns: FOR FUCK SAKE! DAMIEN SHITE-KNIGHT, GET IN HERE!!!
Wearing a maid's uniform, Damien Knight scurries into the room with a Henry Hoover and begins to vacuum up the spilled popcorn bits. For no real reason at all, Cairns takes extreme issue with Damien Knight and smacks him across the kidneys with the regal scepter. Cairns stands as a pained Damien Knight hunches over, gasping for breath. Cairns smacks Damien Knight once more with the scepter, causing Knight to fall to the floor.
Cairns: TAKE THAT, McCLEAN! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Damien Knight screams out in pain as he pleads for Cairns to stop. But Cairns does not stop. He smashes Knight's body with blow after vicious scepter blow. Damien Knight flails on the ground as the Benny Hill theme continues. Our scene mercifully fades and this filler promo comes to an end, with the Benny Hill theme ringing in our ears.
