Post by Icon Lord Leon Corbin on Apr 15, 2015 10:55:52 GMT -6
Not much had changed in the weeks since the influx of visitors the woman had received. Honestly, she saw no reason for it and lacked the optimism she was famous for, the kind of woman who would take the lemons life gave her just to get the juice in someone else’s eyes so they could felt worse. The bills seemed to pay themselves and then there was the joy and convenience of online grocery shopping but that usually consisted of a good supply of cigarettes and alcohol. The drugs were another matter but that’s what friends were for if that’s what you could really call them.
She’d lost weight. The sugar content of all the alcohol she was consuming was high but she hardly ate anything and her usually glowing, golden face had taken on a grey-ish tint. She could have been a walker the way she dragged her body from her bed towards the kitchenette area to grab a glass she’d left in the sink and filled it with water, downing it in one go as if it were for competition. She drops the glass back in the sink and looks at the clock on her microwave. He’d be here soon to drop off her supplies as it was nearing the one hour window she’d booked. Just as well as she was down to her last three cigarettes and those would have been gone had she not passed out from being pissed drunk. Make that two as she heads for the packet left on the arm rest of the sofa and takes one out when there is a knock at the door. She pauses before lighting up. It wasn’t too unusual for them to come ahead of time if they were running early though they would call first to make sure you’re in.
Davina: Please…not again…
She drops the lighter on the sofa and tries to quietly move around but turns and knocks her shin against the table. The next knock on the door was harder. Whoever stood outside now knew someone was in. She was becoming accustomed to this whole panic thing in her own home. Some might say it was karmic considering her past misdemeanours but that never crossed her mind. The difference now was that she had the landlord fit in a peephole so she could prepare herself for encounters appropriately…or inappropriately. She ignores the urge to grab a weapon first, more curious as to who was wanting to get in this time, and heads right for the door. Hands on the door she presses her cheek against it, her eye up close to the peephole as she tries to get a good look but with their head down it was hard to tell. Shoulder length blonde hair, relatively slight, stretch jeans and a big jumper that hung off the shoulder, though?
Davina: Janet?
She gets confirmation as the person outside looks up at the peephole having heard her. It was definitely the grandmother of her child. She screws up her face all a bit confused but opens the door anyway when the older female just takes one look at her and gasps.
Janet: My god, what has happened to you?
Davina: Yes, nice to see you too, dear…
Her sarcasm was at least unscathed but she still stood aside to allow the woman entry. Janet wasn’t known for her outbursts unless you happened to be her ex-husband after all and Davina was the one person who knew why those occurred anyway. She closes the door once the woman is inside and scanning the place. Why did everyone seem to do this when they came here? It wasn’t that bad and if it was, surely they’d seen worse on television. Janet’s posture slouches a little, her hands casually on her hips as she looks around and noting the carelessness about it all. For her, this was very different given the fact she had stayed here a while a few years ago. She turns around, looking at the woman who was on her way to emaciation.
Janet: Why…?
Davina: If you’re here to judge or lecture me, please see yourself out. I am no mood for that.
Janet: I’m not here to do either, sweetie. I’m the last person who can be judgmental nowadays but what on earth has happened to you? Why is this happening to you?
Davina: Nothing is happening. I’m just living life the way I want to…
Janet: This is what you want…? Drinking, drugs, risk of infection, malnutrition? That’s what you live for now? And that scar on your shoulder doesn’t look like it’s been there that long. What kind of people are you bringing back here?
Davina: That’s not from…anyone else. That one doesn’t matter.
Her brows had started to furrow and she took a deeper pull on her cigarette than normal as she randomly paced and then decided to sit down on the sofa. Janet couldn’t stop staring and for anyone who had the pleasure, or displeasure, to know the woman up close they knew how far gone she really was. She sighed, shaking her head, the motion going unnoticed to the former Globalstar.
Janet: Can I…get a coffee?
Davina: Help yourself. There’s no milk. I had to throw it after it curdled and separated.
Janet: I like black coffee…easier to wake up to.
With a side glance, the older blonde heads for the kitchen and pushes up her sleeves. She only needed a cup but she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to stop at washing up the one with this mess. She takes the kettle, giving it a rinse before filling it and setting it back on the base with a flick of the switch then begins washing up whatever she could see. Davina barely notices, obscuring her vision with clouds of cigarette smoke.
Janet: So, how are you? Really?
Small talk? What did Davina know to do with that?
Davina: I’m fine.
Janet: Sweetie, you’re talking to me. I’m nowhere near as daft as people would like for me to be, you know. You were fine when I last came here. The place was tidy, you looked a beacon of health. That’s not what I’m seeing now.
Davina: Nothing a little tidy and make up can’t fix.
Janet: You mean just cover up…
In that entire short conversation she’d managed to get the washing up finished and sat draining on the rack. There wasn’t much in reality when Davina just reused the same things over and over. Two mugs set aside, she takes a spoon and scoops coffee from the caddy into them, pouring water once she hears the boil and click. She’d always been good at time management, even for the smallest things like this. She stirs both mugs and after rinsing the spoon, takes them both over and sets them on the table before she takes the liberty of sitting down on the same sofa as Davina. She takes another look at her, up close, then lets her eyes wander the room. Truth be told, the mess was making her twitch.
Janet: Is this to do with your passport and the loss of your place in GroundZero Wrestling?
Davina: No…
Janet: I’ll take that as a yes.
Davina: Okay, yes. Partly. Mostly. I don’t know. This is just the way it is now and I’ve accepted that.
Janet shakes her head while Davina puts her cigarette back to her mouth.
Janet: You don’t have to accept this. The real Davina would never accept this.
Davina: The real Davina? No one knows the real Davina.
Janet: They know what you’ve shown them time and again. Okay, granted, that’s mostly unsavoury but what they do know is that this isn’t her. You can’t live like this. It’s a very quick downward spiral with no happy ending. You can’t want that, surely.
Davina: Well, it doesn’t matter now. My passport issue has been sorted but GZW wants no part of me after they found out about my living arrangements. I don’t believe it for one moment. They have drunks on the roster and even push them to main event status but they would condemn me? Imagine, mere mass-manufactured, mediocre midcarders who have issues themselves are right at the top. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is not partly thanks to James and Leon.
Janet: I doubt James would be all that bothered, knowing what he’s like but why would Leon feel the need to do anything like that now? Surely he’d welcome the challenge.
Davina: It’s too much of a coincidence. At first it was a case of there was nothing they could do if I couldn’t leave the country to get to shows and the parting was amicable, just paperwork, but now it’s sorted, there’s been a change of heart and that offer is no longer on the table.
Janet: They must know the extent you’ve gone to here. No workplace would be so willing to hire under these circumstances, you know that.
Davina: Or Leon is just making sure since his visit.
Janet: He came here?
Immediately she looks at the scar on Davina’s shoulder as she leans forward to get her mug. Davina spots the look but shakes her head as Janet leans back and clasps the mug in both hands, blowing some of the steam. The scar had healed but not cleanly after allowing it to go septic and with the wound at the time opened and torn.
Davina: He didn’t do this, though he did have a hand in it.
She ignored her own unintentional pun if her frown was anything to go by. Glancing at Janet, she sighed at the full attention she now had. She opened a can of worms and it was too late to stop them coming out.
Davina: It’s messy. In hindsight none of it should have happened. I did it to myself, okay? And it was the reason he darkened my doorstep. Eva brought Lucy to see me after I’d been trying to contact my daughter but she wasn’t here to see me, just to see what I was. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind at the time and I had no real time to prepare for a visit like that. I got upset. I didn’t think it would bother me but to hear my daughter favour Eva over me pissed me off and…I don’t know why but if I could get Lucy to think Eva hurt me it might change her mind. Or something? God, I don’t know. All that happened was I frightened her and now she’ll probably want nothing to do with me again. Obviously once Leon got wind of this it wasn’t long before he came here.
Janet took a deep breath, bracing herself. She didn’t like to hear about her son and his temper but having seen it more times than she cared to remember, she was mentally preparing herself to hear what was to come.
Davina: It wasn’t bad at first. He was talking, and I was…drunk? Or was I coming down? I can’t even remember but I felt like crap anyway and he has this way of getting pushy. I didn’t feel like talking, I couldn’t and then he attacked me here. Well, there, by the table. It eventually ended up on the bed. I’ll spare you the details, Janet. It’s not something you need to hear but I’m surprised he was able to stop. We’ve had several physical encounters over the years. I’d put that one at the top of being the worst.
Janet: I’m so sorry…
Davina: Don’t be ridiculous, dear. It’s not your fault. You know how he is and especially when it comes to his family unit. He’s always loved that child.
Janet: And do you?
She had to think about it, or she was thinking about something by using the time to put her finished cigarette in the ashtray on the table and grab her own coffee. Both women take a sip at the same time, Davina taking another and rests the mug on her thigh with a hand around it.
Davina: I want to be around her. There’s something about her that’s…fascinating?
Janet: But you can’t be around her like this. No more than Leon was when he was drinking so heavily all the time. You can’t expose her to these things to the point it would be considered normal, Davina.
Davina: I know that but it doesn’t matter. She’s old enough to make up her own mind and she has done so.
Janet: So you'll just give up? Just wallow?
Davina: You’re hardly the person to give me a speech on giving up, are you?
Janet: Maybe that’s why I am here now, sweetie. I haven’t forgotten. But where is your family in all this?
There’s that subject again. She grabs that packet of cigarettes and takes out one of the last two she had left, quick to light it. Exhaling, she puts the packet and lighter down on the table and leans back, still with her mug in her hand and now looking in another direction.
Janet: Are you alright?
Davina: I’m fine! Why do people have to ask about family? It’s not relevant to anything!
Janet: Is that what he was getting pushy about? Family?
Davina: Yes…
Janet nods, taking a mouthful from her mug while Davina takes deep pulls on her cigarette.
Janet: Come to think of it, I’ve never seen or heard about any family. Do you even have any?
Davina: If you’re asking about siblings, then no. I’m an only child and even that was one too many...
Janet: And your parents?
Davina: Obviously I have parents…
Janet: Obviously, but where are they? Why would they let you do this to yourself and do nothing to help? They’re not deceased, are they?
The younger blonde just held her cigarette near her mouth for a moment, tired eyes looking ahead.
Davina: No…
The tone of voice she took seemed to say a lot without saying anything at all. Janet stopped to take a drink, not wanting to push the topic but Davina turned her head to stare at the woman.
Davina: They wouldn’t be interested. They’ve never been interested.
Janet: I’m sorry to hear that.
Davina: I’m not. You can’t cry over what you haven’t had.
Janet: Some people do. I suppose it’s never defined you. You’re a strong woman with or without them. But…
Davina: But what? I need them now? I don’t and I don’t care where they are now any more than they care where I am. That’s just how it is, Janet.
Janet: What even made it that way?
Having inhaled more of her cigarette, Davina blows it out audibly and tips the ash in the tray. Janet just watches, remembering she was still holding her mug and has another mouthful.
Janet: Sorry sweetie, you don’t have to answer.
Davina: I don’t but it’s pathetic that you’ve given me more attention than either of them. I tried so hard to please them but they never noticed. They were too concerned with social circles and living their own lives. Poncy parties and fake laughs over buffet dinners, alcohol and expensive cigarettes. It was ridiculous. I had nannies and money thrown at me. I don’t even think it was guilt money or them overcompensating. I just didn’t exist unless it served a purpose. I was an accessory.
Janet: Such as?
Davina: I worked hard at school. Thought it might get me praise and recognition, give me the time of day, love or…just anything more than I was getting but all I earned was an insincere and patronising “well done, sweetie” and gave them the bragging rights about how brilliant their daughter was. Not that I learned a damn thing from either of them. I even tried to act up instead. Surely that would have gotten me noticed but all that earned me was threats of boarding school and even less time to see them as they continued to pretend they were worth anything. I even considered getting pregnant…
Janet: Ah…
Davina: I didn’t in the end, no. I wasn’t into boys yet… I know. Hard to believe if you look at me now. You don’t need to say. Unless your silence is because of your own teenage pregnancy.
Janet: It’s not. In hindsight, I don’t regret it. I just wished I’d waited a little longer. Still, it’s sad that you’d have to…go that far to…
Davina looks at her square in the face and smiles.
Davina: You think that’s why I had Lucy? To get Leon’s attention?
Janet: I never said that. I’ve just always thought it was a strange situation. That’s all.
Davina: That was different. Point is they don’t have time for me and once I left home, I didn’t have time for them. We don’t speak and it’s as simple as that. The only reason I know they’re still alive is because I haven’t gotten an inheritance yet and I really wouldn’t care if I did or not. I have nothing to thank those people for. No role models, no emotional upbringing, nothing. The thing I remember most is the bottles of champagne, the deep set laughing and a massive house that was for decoration, not to be lived in. I didn’t even set foot in half of it.
Janet: What strange people.
Davina: I don’t think it’s that strange.
Janet: You wouldn’t. It’s all you know. What did they do for a living? Were they as rich as they sound?
Davina: They were well off. Not celebrities or anything, no. My father was a novelist, mother was…Well, she inherited money and a lot of it. I think it was my grandparents who had social status and she clung on to that by association. I guess if that was all she had then it’s no wonder she spent most of her time talking crap with other people who thought they were important as well.
Janet: And you don’t think any of that has had an effect on you as an adult?
The younger female just stares ahead again, maybe even pondering the woman’s words.
Davina: Not really. I go out and get what I want and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it. I don’t see how the two relate.
Janet: Shock factors? Inserting yourself into lives at a level where you cannot be ignored? Are you sure?
Davina: Darling, are you psychoanalysing me?
Janet: No. But it is obvious to me from what you’ve told me.
Davina: You think this is me attention seeking?
Janet: No, I think you just fear irrelevance, sweetie. Without an outlet for recognition, you clearly crumble and hate to face that fear.
Davina: You are analysing me…
Janet: I’m not, I’m just observing. But the fact remains that this path of destruction will end you while you continue on it. You have to pick yourself back up. You have plenty of incentive to. For Lucy, and if not that, for you and knowing you, to send a message of defiance to those out there who would rather watch you crash and burn.
Davina: Like Leon and co…
Davina huffs, putting out her cigarette and setting her mug down when Janet does the same so she can take her phone out of her pocket. She holds a button and starts swiping her finger across the screen with some ease, tapping rapidly here and there when she finally holds it out to Davina.
Janet: Take a look at this. Keep an open mind.
Davina: What is it?
Janet: It’s…a rehabilitation centre. A very good one.
Davina: What?! I’m not going to one those places just so I can be spoken down to like I’m a fool by patronising ex-addicts and be told what to do and when to do it. If I want to stop what I’m doing then I will. When I want to!
Janet: But can you…?
Davina: If you’re implying I’m an addict, I’m not, Janet and I really do NOT like the fact you’re making that implication…
Janet: If that was the case, you’d have stopped once you sorted your passport so you could return to work…Like I said, keep an open mind. I understand it’s a lot to take in right now but I’ll send you the link and you can have a look, then make up your own mind from there. Please. Just consider it.
Davina softens, still somewhat irritated though as she views the page from the side of her eye then looks ahead until Janet moves back again and taps away, eventually pocketing the phone again as she stands and heads for the nearest empty plastic bag and begins to collect rubbish. Davina stands, watching and all a bit unimpressed.
Davina: What are you doing? I don’t need a mother now.
Janet turns her head, offering the woman a genuine smile.
Janet: No, but you could do with a good friend…
Davina Cameron Janet Freeman
She’d lost weight. The sugar content of all the alcohol she was consuming was high but she hardly ate anything and her usually glowing, golden face had taken on a grey-ish tint. She could have been a walker the way she dragged her body from her bed towards the kitchenette area to grab a glass she’d left in the sink and filled it with water, downing it in one go as if it were for competition. She drops the glass back in the sink and looks at the clock on her microwave. He’d be here soon to drop off her supplies as it was nearing the one hour window she’d booked. Just as well as she was down to her last three cigarettes and those would have been gone had she not passed out from being pissed drunk. Make that two as she heads for the packet left on the arm rest of the sofa and takes one out when there is a knock at the door. She pauses before lighting up. It wasn’t too unusual for them to come ahead of time if they were running early though they would call first to make sure you’re in.
Davina: Please…not again…
She drops the lighter on the sofa and tries to quietly move around but turns and knocks her shin against the table. The next knock on the door was harder. Whoever stood outside now knew someone was in. She was becoming accustomed to this whole panic thing in her own home. Some might say it was karmic considering her past misdemeanours but that never crossed her mind. The difference now was that she had the landlord fit in a peephole so she could prepare herself for encounters appropriately…or inappropriately. She ignores the urge to grab a weapon first, more curious as to who was wanting to get in this time, and heads right for the door. Hands on the door she presses her cheek against it, her eye up close to the peephole as she tries to get a good look but with their head down it was hard to tell. Shoulder length blonde hair, relatively slight, stretch jeans and a big jumper that hung off the shoulder, though?
Davina: Janet?
She gets confirmation as the person outside looks up at the peephole having heard her. It was definitely the grandmother of her child. She screws up her face all a bit confused but opens the door anyway when the older female just takes one look at her and gasps.
Janet: My god, what has happened to you?
Davina: Yes, nice to see you too, dear…
Her sarcasm was at least unscathed but she still stood aside to allow the woman entry. Janet wasn’t known for her outbursts unless you happened to be her ex-husband after all and Davina was the one person who knew why those occurred anyway. She closes the door once the woman is inside and scanning the place. Why did everyone seem to do this when they came here? It wasn’t that bad and if it was, surely they’d seen worse on television. Janet’s posture slouches a little, her hands casually on her hips as she looks around and noting the carelessness about it all. For her, this was very different given the fact she had stayed here a while a few years ago. She turns around, looking at the woman who was on her way to emaciation.
Janet: Why…?
Davina: If you’re here to judge or lecture me, please see yourself out. I am no mood for that.
Janet: I’m not here to do either, sweetie. I’m the last person who can be judgmental nowadays but what on earth has happened to you? Why is this happening to you?
Davina: Nothing is happening. I’m just living life the way I want to…
Janet: This is what you want…? Drinking, drugs, risk of infection, malnutrition? That’s what you live for now? And that scar on your shoulder doesn’t look like it’s been there that long. What kind of people are you bringing back here?
Davina: That’s not from…anyone else. That one doesn’t matter.
Her brows had started to furrow and she took a deeper pull on her cigarette than normal as she randomly paced and then decided to sit down on the sofa. Janet couldn’t stop staring and for anyone who had the pleasure, or displeasure, to know the woman up close they knew how far gone she really was. She sighed, shaking her head, the motion going unnoticed to the former Globalstar.
Janet: Can I…get a coffee?
Davina: Help yourself. There’s no milk. I had to throw it after it curdled and separated.
Janet: I like black coffee…easier to wake up to.
With a side glance, the older blonde heads for the kitchen and pushes up her sleeves. She only needed a cup but she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to stop at washing up the one with this mess. She takes the kettle, giving it a rinse before filling it and setting it back on the base with a flick of the switch then begins washing up whatever she could see. Davina barely notices, obscuring her vision with clouds of cigarette smoke.
Janet: So, how are you? Really?
Small talk? What did Davina know to do with that?
Davina: I’m fine.
Janet: Sweetie, you’re talking to me. I’m nowhere near as daft as people would like for me to be, you know. You were fine when I last came here. The place was tidy, you looked a beacon of health. That’s not what I’m seeing now.
Davina: Nothing a little tidy and make up can’t fix.
Janet: You mean just cover up…
In that entire short conversation she’d managed to get the washing up finished and sat draining on the rack. There wasn’t much in reality when Davina just reused the same things over and over. Two mugs set aside, she takes a spoon and scoops coffee from the caddy into them, pouring water once she hears the boil and click. She’d always been good at time management, even for the smallest things like this. She stirs both mugs and after rinsing the spoon, takes them both over and sets them on the table before she takes the liberty of sitting down on the same sofa as Davina. She takes another look at her, up close, then lets her eyes wander the room. Truth be told, the mess was making her twitch.
Janet: Is this to do with your passport and the loss of your place in GroundZero Wrestling?
Davina: No…
Janet: I’ll take that as a yes.
Davina: Okay, yes. Partly. Mostly. I don’t know. This is just the way it is now and I’ve accepted that.
Janet shakes her head while Davina puts her cigarette back to her mouth.
Janet: You don’t have to accept this. The real Davina would never accept this.
Davina: The real Davina? No one knows the real Davina.
Janet: They know what you’ve shown them time and again. Okay, granted, that’s mostly unsavoury but what they do know is that this isn’t her. You can’t live like this. It’s a very quick downward spiral with no happy ending. You can’t want that, surely.
Davina: Well, it doesn’t matter now. My passport issue has been sorted but GZW wants no part of me after they found out about my living arrangements. I don’t believe it for one moment. They have drunks on the roster and even push them to main event status but they would condemn me? Imagine, mere mass-manufactured, mediocre midcarders who have issues themselves are right at the top. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is not partly thanks to James and Leon.
Janet: I doubt James would be all that bothered, knowing what he’s like but why would Leon feel the need to do anything like that now? Surely he’d welcome the challenge.
Davina: It’s too much of a coincidence. At first it was a case of there was nothing they could do if I couldn’t leave the country to get to shows and the parting was amicable, just paperwork, but now it’s sorted, there’s been a change of heart and that offer is no longer on the table.
Janet: They must know the extent you’ve gone to here. No workplace would be so willing to hire under these circumstances, you know that.
Davina: Or Leon is just making sure since his visit.
Janet: He came here?
Immediately she looks at the scar on Davina’s shoulder as she leans forward to get her mug. Davina spots the look but shakes her head as Janet leans back and clasps the mug in both hands, blowing some of the steam. The scar had healed but not cleanly after allowing it to go septic and with the wound at the time opened and torn.
Davina: He didn’t do this, though he did have a hand in it.
She ignored her own unintentional pun if her frown was anything to go by. Glancing at Janet, she sighed at the full attention she now had. She opened a can of worms and it was too late to stop them coming out.
Davina: It’s messy. In hindsight none of it should have happened. I did it to myself, okay? And it was the reason he darkened my doorstep. Eva brought Lucy to see me after I’d been trying to contact my daughter but she wasn’t here to see me, just to see what I was. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind at the time and I had no real time to prepare for a visit like that. I got upset. I didn’t think it would bother me but to hear my daughter favour Eva over me pissed me off and…I don’t know why but if I could get Lucy to think Eva hurt me it might change her mind. Or something? God, I don’t know. All that happened was I frightened her and now she’ll probably want nothing to do with me again. Obviously once Leon got wind of this it wasn’t long before he came here.
Janet took a deep breath, bracing herself. She didn’t like to hear about her son and his temper but having seen it more times than she cared to remember, she was mentally preparing herself to hear what was to come.
Davina: It wasn’t bad at first. He was talking, and I was…drunk? Or was I coming down? I can’t even remember but I felt like crap anyway and he has this way of getting pushy. I didn’t feel like talking, I couldn’t and then he attacked me here. Well, there, by the table. It eventually ended up on the bed. I’ll spare you the details, Janet. It’s not something you need to hear but I’m surprised he was able to stop. We’ve had several physical encounters over the years. I’d put that one at the top of being the worst.
Janet: I’m so sorry…
Davina: Don’t be ridiculous, dear. It’s not your fault. You know how he is and especially when it comes to his family unit. He’s always loved that child.
Janet: And do you?
She had to think about it, or she was thinking about something by using the time to put her finished cigarette in the ashtray on the table and grab her own coffee. Both women take a sip at the same time, Davina taking another and rests the mug on her thigh with a hand around it.
Davina: I want to be around her. There’s something about her that’s…fascinating?
Janet: But you can’t be around her like this. No more than Leon was when he was drinking so heavily all the time. You can’t expose her to these things to the point it would be considered normal, Davina.
Davina: I know that but it doesn’t matter. She’s old enough to make up her own mind and she has done so.
Janet: So you'll just give up? Just wallow?
Davina: You’re hardly the person to give me a speech on giving up, are you?
Janet: Maybe that’s why I am here now, sweetie. I haven’t forgotten. But where is your family in all this?
There’s that subject again. She grabs that packet of cigarettes and takes out one of the last two she had left, quick to light it. Exhaling, she puts the packet and lighter down on the table and leans back, still with her mug in her hand and now looking in another direction.
Janet: Are you alright?
Davina: I’m fine! Why do people have to ask about family? It’s not relevant to anything!
Janet: Is that what he was getting pushy about? Family?
Davina: Yes…
Janet nods, taking a mouthful from her mug while Davina takes deep pulls on her cigarette.
Janet: Come to think of it, I’ve never seen or heard about any family. Do you even have any?
Davina: If you’re asking about siblings, then no. I’m an only child and even that was one too many...
Janet: And your parents?
Davina: Obviously I have parents…
Janet: Obviously, but where are they? Why would they let you do this to yourself and do nothing to help? They’re not deceased, are they?
The younger blonde just held her cigarette near her mouth for a moment, tired eyes looking ahead.
Davina: No…
The tone of voice she took seemed to say a lot without saying anything at all. Janet stopped to take a drink, not wanting to push the topic but Davina turned her head to stare at the woman.
Davina: They wouldn’t be interested. They’ve never been interested.
Janet: I’m sorry to hear that.
Davina: I’m not. You can’t cry over what you haven’t had.
Janet: Some people do. I suppose it’s never defined you. You’re a strong woman with or without them. But…
Davina: But what? I need them now? I don’t and I don’t care where they are now any more than they care where I am. That’s just how it is, Janet.
Janet: What even made it that way?
Having inhaled more of her cigarette, Davina blows it out audibly and tips the ash in the tray. Janet just watches, remembering she was still holding her mug and has another mouthful.
Janet: Sorry sweetie, you don’t have to answer.
Davina: I don’t but it’s pathetic that you’ve given me more attention than either of them. I tried so hard to please them but they never noticed. They were too concerned with social circles and living their own lives. Poncy parties and fake laughs over buffet dinners, alcohol and expensive cigarettes. It was ridiculous. I had nannies and money thrown at me. I don’t even think it was guilt money or them overcompensating. I just didn’t exist unless it served a purpose. I was an accessory.
Janet: Such as?
Davina: I worked hard at school. Thought it might get me praise and recognition, give me the time of day, love or…just anything more than I was getting but all I earned was an insincere and patronising “well done, sweetie” and gave them the bragging rights about how brilliant their daughter was. Not that I learned a damn thing from either of them. I even tried to act up instead. Surely that would have gotten me noticed but all that earned me was threats of boarding school and even less time to see them as they continued to pretend they were worth anything. I even considered getting pregnant…
Janet: Ah…
Davina: I didn’t in the end, no. I wasn’t into boys yet… I know. Hard to believe if you look at me now. You don’t need to say. Unless your silence is because of your own teenage pregnancy.
Janet: It’s not. In hindsight, I don’t regret it. I just wished I’d waited a little longer. Still, it’s sad that you’d have to…go that far to…
Davina looks at her square in the face and smiles.
Davina: You think that’s why I had Lucy? To get Leon’s attention?
Janet: I never said that. I’ve just always thought it was a strange situation. That’s all.
Davina: That was different. Point is they don’t have time for me and once I left home, I didn’t have time for them. We don’t speak and it’s as simple as that. The only reason I know they’re still alive is because I haven’t gotten an inheritance yet and I really wouldn’t care if I did or not. I have nothing to thank those people for. No role models, no emotional upbringing, nothing. The thing I remember most is the bottles of champagne, the deep set laughing and a massive house that was for decoration, not to be lived in. I didn’t even set foot in half of it.
Janet: What strange people.
Davina: I don’t think it’s that strange.
Janet: You wouldn’t. It’s all you know. What did they do for a living? Were they as rich as they sound?
Davina: They were well off. Not celebrities or anything, no. My father was a novelist, mother was…Well, she inherited money and a lot of it. I think it was my grandparents who had social status and she clung on to that by association. I guess if that was all she had then it’s no wonder she spent most of her time talking crap with other people who thought they were important as well.
Janet: And you don’t think any of that has had an effect on you as an adult?
The younger female just stares ahead again, maybe even pondering the woman’s words.
Davina: Not really. I go out and get what I want and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it. I don’t see how the two relate.
Janet: Shock factors? Inserting yourself into lives at a level where you cannot be ignored? Are you sure?
Davina: Darling, are you psychoanalysing me?
Janet: No. But it is obvious to me from what you’ve told me.
Davina: You think this is me attention seeking?
Janet: No, I think you just fear irrelevance, sweetie. Without an outlet for recognition, you clearly crumble and hate to face that fear.
Davina: You are analysing me…
Janet: I’m not, I’m just observing. But the fact remains that this path of destruction will end you while you continue on it. You have to pick yourself back up. You have plenty of incentive to. For Lucy, and if not that, for you and knowing you, to send a message of defiance to those out there who would rather watch you crash and burn.
Davina: Like Leon and co…
Davina huffs, putting out her cigarette and setting her mug down when Janet does the same so she can take her phone out of her pocket. She holds a button and starts swiping her finger across the screen with some ease, tapping rapidly here and there when she finally holds it out to Davina.
Janet: Take a look at this. Keep an open mind.
Davina: What is it?
Janet: It’s…a rehabilitation centre. A very good one.
Davina: What?! I’m not going to one those places just so I can be spoken down to like I’m a fool by patronising ex-addicts and be told what to do and when to do it. If I want to stop what I’m doing then I will. When I want to!
Janet: But can you…?
Davina: If you’re implying I’m an addict, I’m not, Janet and I really do NOT like the fact you’re making that implication…
Janet: If that was the case, you’d have stopped once you sorted your passport so you could return to work…Like I said, keep an open mind. I understand it’s a lot to take in right now but I’ll send you the link and you can have a look, then make up your own mind from there. Please. Just consider it.
Davina softens, still somewhat irritated though as she views the page from the side of her eye then looks ahead until Janet moves back again and taps away, eventually pocketing the phone again as she stands and heads for the nearest empty plastic bag and begins to collect rubbish. Davina stands, watching and all a bit unimpressed.
Davina: What are you doing? I don’t need a mother now.
Janet turns her head, offering the woman a genuine smile.
Janet: No, but you could do with a good friend…
Davina Cameron Janet Freeman
