Post by Sir Chris Cairns on Jun 12, 2015 21:18:31 GMT -6
SIR Chris Cairns is sat on his regal throne, reading Sean Locke's autobiography, which is written on one sheet of A6 notebook paper. Cairns reads aloud:
Cairns: Me name is Sean Locke and this is me autobiography. One day I was born and then I signed with GZW2K1 and did nothing of any real significance for the better part of a decade and then I won the top title and then I left and then I returned. The end!
Cairns scrunches up the piece of paper and tosses it away.
Cairns: What a load of shite that was! That was almost as bad as Clancy McClean's autobiography. And by 'Clancy McClean's autobiography' I mean Clancy McClean's written confession that he is, was and forever will be a total knob. And serial child rapist. Nonetheless, Sean Locke's autobiography is now available in no good book shops anywhere and even Amazon banned it from the Kindle store because that's how pointless Sean Locke is and we should all point and laugh at him!
Cairns laughs profusely while pointing off camera.
Cairns: I mean, God save the Queen, Sean Locke is almost as pointless as Damien Shite-Knight, but at least Shite-Knight knows he's a useless twat!
Cairns laughs again, having the time of his life in his empty Buckingham Palace headquarters.
Cairns: Anyway, just disregard everything I just said because I'm gracing your screens for one reason and one reason only! I am here to declare that I will NOT be competing against Stephon Davis at HeatPiss this year, like so many have assumed, because I already DEFEATED Stephon Davis last year! It's about time Cairnsy was presented with a fresh challenge! That's that! I have no further comments. SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
The 2015 Promo of the Year fades to poo.
Cairns: Me name is Sean Locke and this is me autobiography. One day I was born and then I signed with GZW2K1 and did nothing of any real significance for the better part of a decade and then I won the top title and then I left and then I returned. The end!
Cairns scrunches up the piece of paper and tosses it away.
Cairns: What a load of shite that was! That was almost as bad as Clancy McClean's autobiography. And by 'Clancy McClean's autobiography' I mean Clancy McClean's written confession that he is, was and forever will be a total knob. And serial child rapist. Nonetheless, Sean Locke's autobiography is now available in no good book shops anywhere and even Amazon banned it from the Kindle store because that's how pointless Sean Locke is and we should all point and laugh at him!
Cairns laughs profusely while pointing off camera.
Cairns: I mean, God save the Queen, Sean Locke is almost as pointless as Damien Shite-Knight, but at least Shite-Knight knows he's a useless twat!
Cairns laughs again, having the time of his life in his empty Buckingham Palace headquarters.
Cairns: Anyway, just disregard everything I just said because I'm gracing your screens for one reason and one reason only! I am here to declare that I will NOT be competing against Stephon Davis at HeatPiss this year, like so many have assumed, because I already DEFEATED Stephon Davis last year! It's about time Cairnsy was presented with a fresh challenge! That's that! I have no further comments. SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
The 2015 Promo of the Year fades to poo.
