Post by Sir Chris Cairns on Jun 21, 2015 21:27:28 GMT -6
SIR Chris Cairns is exiting a London gym when he is ambushed by GZW2K1's Senior Interviewer Weston Bentley.
Bentley: Sir Chris Cairns! Your reaction to Stephon Davis rejecting your challenge for a match at Heatwave 12?
Regal crown atop his majestic head, Cairns turns to Bentley with a half-hearted sneer. For once, there is no furious reaction to Bentley not pronouncing "SIR!" with the required level of gusto. In fact, Cairns does not even possess his trademark regal scepter.
Cairns: Well, I should have bloody well guessed that Stephon Davis would take the cowardly route and duck me charitable rematch challenge for HeatPiss this year, eh? And no doubt Stephon's coward of a Father has backed this shameful decision to the bloody hilt, too! Like Father, like Son, eh? The Davis duo are nothing but a pair of knicker pissing cowards and everybody knows that Nathaniel Davis has always been jealous of Cairnsy! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! And you're asking for me reactions to this shambles, Bentley? Well, if Stephon Davis is too scared to face me once again this year then that is absolutely fine by Cairnsy! Why should Cairnsy care? Stephon Davis has never defeated SIR Chris Cairns in a one-on-one encounter, while SIR Chris Cairns defeated Stephon Davis with ease last year in Kowloon Park's first ever Casket Match! The GZW2K1 record books do not lie and they show that Stephon Davis lost to SIR Chris Cairns and Stephon Davis pissed his frilly, pink knickers and that's that! Cairnsy has absolutely nothing to prove, Bentley, and Cairnsy rests safe in the knowledge that Stephon Davis went on his official Twirker page just a few hours ago, and Twirked to his fan base of literally tens of people that he is too much of a coward to accept me challenge! Aye, it's a reet satisfying victory for Cairnsy once again, and all loose ends have been tied-up in this particular chapter of Cairnsy's quest for Globalverse dominance! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!
Bentley: So, now that the rematch we all had assumed would be taking place between yourself and Stephon is seemingly no longer a possibility, the question must be asked: what exactly do you have planned for Heatwave this year?
Cairns: That all depends on whether or not Nathaniel Davis chooses to book me for the event, Bentley; what sort of journalist are you? What a stupid question! Cairnsy is a team player and Cairnsy will be at Kowloon Park on June 30th so long as Cairnsy has an opponent! Let me ask a question that even you should be able to answer, Bentley: who has stolen the show at the past several Heatwaves? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! We'll see if our esteemed Commissioner can see past his petty jealousy towards me and actually do the reet thing and give Cairnsy a marquee match for June 30th, live on pay-per-view! Who is your 2013 Globalstar of the Year? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! Who ended the careers of Justinian, Bartholomew and Vitamin Piss? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! Who legitimately murdered Clancy McClean in cold blood in HeatPiss 10's main event? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! Who is the face of the best selling video game, 'Super Uncle SIR Chris Cairns Kart?' Aye, that's reet, you guessed it: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!
Bentley: Will you be making any attempt to convince your superiors to give you a coveted spot on the Heatwave card?
Cairns looks like he wishes he were anywhere else but here as he mechanically reels off his reply.
Cairns: 'Superiors?' And who might these 'superiors' be, Bentley? No. Absolutely not. Cairnsy will never go on bended knee and Cairnsy will never ask the likes of Nathaniel Davis for anything. They book Cairnsy, or they don't, and that's their decision.
Cairns turns to walk away.
Bentley: But what about your aforementioned plans for, and I quote, 'Globalverse dominance?'
Facing away from Bentley, Chris Cairns bows his head. He gives a wry chuckle, his eyes lost in thoughts while his regal cape flutters in the wind.
Cairns: I...
Cairns looks over his shoulder and towards Bentley. For the first time in over four years, there is a piercing clarity evident in the wrestling veteran's cold, blue eyes.
Cairns: I'm tired.
Cairns turns away from a watchful Weston Bentley and time stands still, if only for a few seconds. Cairns stares off towards the city skyline, having flashbacks to various moments from throughout his storied career: battling the Butterfly Boy in the early eighties in smoky bingo halls; signing his signature on the first ever Creation Wrestling II tax return document in the early nineties; battling Cracker Jack and signing Bane to his first full-time wrestling contract; signing and developing talents who Cairns treated like his own children - raising the likes of Nationwide, Miami Missile, Piper Sanchez and Stephon Davis. Cairns would never forget, in late 2007, as he had fallen into GroundZero obscurity, that there was a new face in the GZW2K1 locker room who singled him out, walked up to him and told him: "I had posters of you all over my bedroom wall and you're a massive inspiration." She introduced herself as Eva Hikari. Cairns would never forget the legendary Nathan Williams being so kind as to volunteer to be the first ever guest on the Chris Cairns Show back in 2004. All those moments, emotions, interactions and relationships had flown by within the blinking of an eye as time marched on and anecdotes morphed into decades. Now, a middle-aged man in an oversized crown and wearing a Manchester United football top had found himself standing in the middle of London, wondering where he was going next.
Bentley: Sir Chris Cairns! Your reaction to Stephon Davis rejecting your challenge for a match at Heatwave 12?
Regal crown atop his majestic head, Cairns turns to Bentley with a half-hearted sneer. For once, there is no furious reaction to Bentley not pronouncing "SIR!" with the required level of gusto. In fact, Cairns does not even possess his trademark regal scepter.
Cairns: Well, I should have bloody well guessed that Stephon Davis would take the cowardly route and duck me charitable rematch challenge for HeatPiss this year, eh? And no doubt Stephon's coward of a Father has backed this shameful decision to the bloody hilt, too! Like Father, like Son, eh? The Davis duo are nothing but a pair of knicker pissing cowards and everybody knows that Nathaniel Davis has always been jealous of Cairnsy! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! And you're asking for me reactions to this shambles, Bentley? Well, if Stephon Davis is too scared to face me once again this year then that is absolutely fine by Cairnsy! Why should Cairnsy care? Stephon Davis has never defeated SIR Chris Cairns in a one-on-one encounter, while SIR Chris Cairns defeated Stephon Davis with ease last year in Kowloon Park's first ever Casket Match! The GZW2K1 record books do not lie and they show that Stephon Davis lost to SIR Chris Cairns and Stephon Davis pissed his frilly, pink knickers and that's that! Cairnsy has absolutely nothing to prove, Bentley, and Cairnsy rests safe in the knowledge that Stephon Davis went on his official Twirker page just a few hours ago, and Twirked to his fan base of literally tens of people that he is too much of a coward to accept me challenge! Aye, it's a reet satisfying victory for Cairnsy once again, and all loose ends have been tied-up in this particular chapter of Cairnsy's quest for Globalverse dominance! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!
Bentley: So, now that the rematch we all had assumed would be taking place between yourself and Stephon is seemingly no longer a possibility, the question must be asked: what exactly do you have planned for Heatwave this year?
Cairns: That all depends on whether or not Nathaniel Davis chooses to book me for the event, Bentley; what sort of journalist are you? What a stupid question! Cairnsy is a team player and Cairnsy will be at Kowloon Park on June 30th so long as Cairnsy has an opponent! Let me ask a question that even you should be able to answer, Bentley: who has stolen the show at the past several Heatwaves? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! We'll see if our esteemed Commissioner can see past his petty jealousy towards me and actually do the reet thing and give Cairnsy a marquee match for June 30th, live on pay-per-view! Who is your 2013 Globalstar of the Year? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! Who ended the careers of Justinian, Bartholomew and Vitamin Piss? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! Who legitimately murdered Clancy McClean in cold blood in HeatPiss 10's main event? SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! Who is the face of the best selling video game, 'Super Uncle SIR Chris Cairns Kart?' Aye, that's reet, you guessed it: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!
Bentley: Will you be making any attempt to convince your superiors to give you a coveted spot on the Heatwave card?
Cairns looks like he wishes he were anywhere else but here as he mechanically reels off his reply.
Cairns: 'Superiors?' And who might these 'superiors' be, Bentley? No. Absolutely not. Cairnsy will never go on bended knee and Cairnsy will never ask the likes of Nathaniel Davis for anything. They book Cairnsy, or they don't, and that's their decision.
Cairns turns to walk away.
Bentley: But what about your aforementioned plans for, and I quote, 'Globalverse dominance?'
Facing away from Bentley, Chris Cairns bows his head. He gives a wry chuckle, his eyes lost in thoughts while his regal cape flutters in the wind.
Cairns: I...
Cairns looks over his shoulder and towards Bentley. For the first time in over four years, there is a piercing clarity evident in the wrestling veteran's cold, blue eyes.
Cairns: I'm tired.
Cairns turns away from a watchful Weston Bentley and time stands still, if only for a few seconds. Cairns stares off towards the city skyline, having flashbacks to various moments from throughout his storied career: battling the Butterfly Boy in the early eighties in smoky bingo halls; signing his signature on the first ever Creation Wrestling II tax return document in the early nineties; battling Cracker Jack and signing Bane to his first full-time wrestling contract; signing and developing talents who Cairns treated like his own children - raising the likes of Nationwide, Miami Missile, Piper Sanchez and Stephon Davis. Cairns would never forget, in late 2007, as he had fallen into GroundZero obscurity, that there was a new face in the GZW2K1 locker room who singled him out, walked up to him and told him: "I had posters of you all over my bedroom wall and you're a massive inspiration." She introduced herself as Eva Hikari. Cairns would never forget the legendary Nathan Williams being so kind as to volunteer to be the first ever guest on the Chris Cairns Show back in 2004. All those moments, emotions, interactions and relationships had flown by within the blinking of an eye as time marched on and anecdotes morphed into decades. Now, a middle-aged man in an oversized crown and wearing a Manchester United football top had found himself standing in the middle of London, wondering where he was going next.
