Post by Sir Chris Cairns on Jul 13, 2015 20:19:06 GMT -6
Sat at a gigantic desk in his Hong Kong study, SIR Chris Cairns glances over some important paperwork as midnight approaches.
Cairns: God save the Queen, there is always so much paperwork to do when you're a SIR! And where has me maid, Damien Shite-Knight, disappeared to? He should have brought me that cup of tea and platter of custard creams by now!
Cairns shakes his head before signing his name on a few of the documents (being sure to underline the SIR). He then neatly bundles the paperwork together, staples it and then places it all into a big folder marked "TAX EVASION CHARITABLE GOOD DEEDS".
Cairns: Her Majesty won't notice if only a few quid isn't paid into her coffers!
Cairns laughs and puts the folder in his top drawer. He is disturbed by a timid knock at his office door.
Cairns: Is that you, Shite-Knight? Where the bloody hell have you been?!
The door slowly creeks open. Cairns is surprised to find that it is not Damien Shite-Knight who has arrived with his cup of tea and biscuits, but rather that his visitor is Creation Wrestling II's Commissioner John Smith, who wears a solemn look on his weathered, weary face. Impatient, Cairns bangs a fist down on his desk.
Cairns: Who are you again?! Why are you disturbing SIR Chris Cairns?! Explain yourself!
Smith steps into the office, eyeing Cairns with caution.
Smith: I'm Commissioner John Smith and I've been your second-in-command for over ten years, Sir.
Cairns: Ah, of course!
Once again, Cairns does not seem to mind that he has been addressed as 'Sir' as opposed to the always preferred 'SIR!' In fact, he smiles.
Cairns: Have a seat, mate!
Smith stutters.
Smith: I... Tha- ...Thank you, but no. Sir... I...
Beads of sweat begin to form on John Smith's forehead.
Smith: We've grown somewhat concerned due to your… attitude… in recent months, Sir.
Cairns tilts his head to one side, his jewel-encrusted crown sparkling in the light.
Cairns: 'We?' And who's 'We?'
Smith: Myself and the Creation Wrestling II talent roster. We were under the impression that the current objective is… was to rid the Globalverse of Stephon Davis.
Cairns leans back in his chair and studies Smith.
Cairns: Is it?
Smith: Well… We've made multiple attempts to end his life over the past eighteen months and yet recently your motives… our motives… have become hard to predict. YOU have become hard to predict, Sir, and it's making some of our guys restless.
Cairns sighs. He picks up a framed photograph from his desk and holds it in his hands. In the picture is a smiling woman with red hair, crouched beside a young boy in a wheelchair.
Cairns: As you get older, you begin to re-evaluate what's important in life...
Smith: I understand. But you need to understand what's important to Creation Wrestling!
Cairns places the photograph back on his desk and shoots a glare towards his Commissioner.
Cairns: Are you questioning me leadership, Smith?
Smith: No, Sir. It's just-
Cairns: Cairnsy created Creation Wrestling II and Cairnsy gave you your livelihood; Cairnsy gave ALL you freaks and misfits your livelihoods... television time... exposure on the GZG 24/7 network... Heatwave and Aftermath paycheques! I took some of the shitest wrestlers known to man and I made them into cult classics, whether it be that fucking idiot Necron, or that fat nobody, The Cheery Bus Driver. If any of those jokes have a problem with the way that Cairnsy runs things then they can run and take a jump off a very high cliff! CAIRNSY's the boss and CAIRNSY alone!
Smith: We just need to know that you're focused on Stephon Davis at Heatwave, Sir. You need to destroy him! You need to make a decisive statement!
Cairns: Oh really? And why's that, hm? I'm as bored of Stephon Davis as everybody else is… I'm sick and tired of all of it! Don't you dare waltz in here and tell Cairnsy what he should be doing! You answer to me… just like all those other Creation plebs answer to me! Now, I've had enough of this and I wish to be left alone.
Smith: But-
Cairns: Just get out!
Cairns points to the door. He gets up from his chair and strides over to a television and PlayStation 4. He turns the two devices on and the title screen for "Super Uncle SIR Chris Cairns Kart" flashes upon the TV. Cairns takes the PlayStation joypad and sits back down at his desk. He looks back towards Smith.
Cairns: And if you run into Damien Shite-Knight on your travels then tell him to hurry up with me cup of tea and biscuits!
Smith bows his head. He sighs as Cairns continues gaming.
Smith: Damien won't be bringing you your tea, Sir, he's...
Too busy plotting your downfall.
Smith: He's not feeling very well.
With Cairns too amused by 'Super Uncle SIR Chris Cairns Kart', John Smith turns away. The Creation Wrestling II Commissioner can barely suppress his tears as he opens the office door, steps out, and looks over his shoulder and towards Cairns.
Smith: …Thank you for everything you've ever done for me…
Smith leaves. The door quietly closes behind him as Cairns remains lost in his own little world, mashing at the PlayStation joypad as he cackles evilly.
Cairns: Hahaha! Take that, McClean!
Fade.
Cairns: God save the Queen, there is always so much paperwork to do when you're a SIR! And where has me maid, Damien Shite-Knight, disappeared to? He should have brought me that cup of tea and platter of custard creams by now!
Cairns shakes his head before signing his name on a few of the documents (being sure to underline the SIR). He then neatly bundles the paperwork together, staples it and then places it all into a big folder marked "
Cairns: Her Majesty won't notice if only a few quid isn't paid into her coffers!
Cairns laughs and puts the folder in his top drawer. He is disturbed by a timid knock at his office door.
Cairns: Is that you, Shite-Knight? Where the bloody hell have you been?!
The door slowly creeks open. Cairns is surprised to find that it is not Damien Shite-Knight who has arrived with his cup of tea and biscuits, but rather that his visitor is Creation Wrestling II's Commissioner John Smith, who wears a solemn look on his weathered, weary face. Impatient, Cairns bangs a fist down on his desk.
Cairns: Who are you again?! Why are you disturbing SIR Chris Cairns?! Explain yourself!
Smith steps into the office, eyeing Cairns with caution.
Smith: I'm Commissioner John Smith and I've been your second-in-command for over ten years, Sir.
Cairns: Ah, of course!
Once again, Cairns does not seem to mind that he has been addressed as 'Sir' as opposed to the always preferred 'SIR!' In fact, he smiles.
Cairns: Have a seat, mate!
Smith stutters.
Smith: I... Tha- ...Thank you, but no. Sir... I...
Beads of sweat begin to form on John Smith's forehead.
Smith: We've grown somewhat concerned due to your… attitude… in recent months, Sir.
Cairns tilts his head to one side, his jewel-encrusted crown sparkling in the light.
Cairns: 'We?' And who's 'We?'
Smith: Myself and the Creation Wrestling II talent roster. We were under the impression that the current objective is… was to rid the Globalverse of Stephon Davis.
Cairns leans back in his chair and studies Smith.
Cairns: Is it?
Smith: Well… We've made multiple attempts to end his life over the past eighteen months and yet recently your motives… our motives… have become hard to predict. YOU have become hard to predict, Sir, and it's making some of our guys restless.
Cairns sighs. He picks up a framed photograph from his desk and holds it in his hands. In the picture is a smiling woman with red hair, crouched beside a young boy in a wheelchair.
Cairns: As you get older, you begin to re-evaluate what's important in life...
Smith: I understand. But you need to understand what's important to Creation Wrestling!
Cairns places the photograph back on his desk and shoots a glare towards his Commissioner.
Cairns: Are you questioning me leadership, Smith?
Smith: No, Sir. It's just-
Cairns: Cairnsy created Creation Wrestling II and Cairnsy gave you your livelihood; Cairnsy gave ALL you freaks and misfits your livelihoods... television time... exposure on the GZG 24/7 network... Heatwave and Aftermath paycheques! I took some of the shitest wrestlers known to man and I made them into cult classics, whether it be that fucking idiot Necron, or that fat nobody, The Cheery Bus Driver. If any of those jokes have a problem with the way that Cairnsy runs things then they can run and take a jump off a very high cliff! CAIRNSY's the boss and CAIRNSY alone!
Smith: We just need to know that you're focused on Stephon Davis at Heatwave, Sir. You need to destroy him! You need to make a decisive statement!
Cairns: Oh really? And why's that, hm? I'm as bored of Stephon Davis as everybody else is… I'm sick and tired of all of it! Don't you dare waltz in here and tell Cairnsy what he should be doing! You answer to me… just like all those other Creation plebs answer to me! Now, I've had enough of this and I wish to be left alone.
Smith: But-
Cairns: Just get out!
Cairns points to the door. He gets up from his chair and strides over to a television and PlayStation 4. He turns the two devices on and the title screen for "Super Uncle SIR Chris Cairns Kart" flashes upon the TV. Cairns takes the PlayStation joypad and sits back down at his desk. He looks back towards Smith.
Cairns: And if you run into Damien Shite-Knight on your travels then tell him to hurry up with me cup of tea and biscuits!
Smith bows his head. He sighs as Cairns continues gaming.
Smith: Damien won't be bringing you your tea, Sir, he's...
Too busy plotting your downfall.
Smith: He's not feeling very well.
With Cairns too amused by 'Super Uncle SIR Chris Cairns Kart', John Smith turns away. The Creation Wrestling II Commissioner can barely suppress his tears as he opens the office door, steps out, and looks over his shoulder and towards Cairns.
Smith: …Thank you for everything you've ever done for me…
Smith leaves. The door quietly closes behind him as Cairns remains lost in his own little world, mashing at the PlayStation joypad as he cackles evilly.
Cairns: Hahaha! Take that, McClean!
Fade.
