Post by Sir Chris Cairns on Jul 17, 2015 19:51:09 GMT -6
The war drums play as Weston Bentley stands by with SIR Chris Cairns against the Heatwave XII promotional backdrop. The regal crown, majestic cape, Manchester United football top, blue jeans and dastardly sceptre are all present and correct, yet Cairns seems distant.
Bentley: Sir Chris Cairns, tomorrow night at Heatwave XII, in Kowloon Park, you will once again compete against one of your most hated rivals, "The Next Franchise" Stephon Davis, in a rematch from your bitter clash which took place one year ago. What are your thoughts at this time?
Bentley holds the microphone out towards Cairns. There is an awkward few moments of silence as Bentley looks on and Cairns takes a deep breath, never once glancing in the Senior Interviewer's direction.
Cairns: Well, well, pissing well, the rumours have been swirling around all week, eh? Swirling like an oversized shite in a toilet and never disappearing no matter how often you flush and flush and bloody flush with all your bloody might, mate. Is Cairnsy retiring? Is Heatwave XII the last we will ever see of Cairnsy? Throw as many paper towels at you like at that big, smelly shite bobbing about in yer loo, but it's not going to sink any time soon! I've heard about contract disputes and I've heard every shade of shitey gossip that you can imagine, from injury forcing me to hang up me regal sceptre and crown, reet down to Nathaniel Davis forcing me out of the business I love in retaliation for everything I've ever said or done to him and his lazy son who I face in less than 24 hours' time. Cairnsy even heard that Cairnsy was walking away from the business because he simply no longer cares about professional wrestling.
Cairns shakes his head in annoyance.
Cairns: Well, let Cairnsy clarify a few things reet now. Aye, me contract is coming to an end. Aye, there is much uncertainty about me future here in GroundZero Wrestling 2K1, but NONE OF THAT has ANYTHING to do with Heatwave VII. Cairnsy is FULLY focused on the big event in Kowloon Park tomorrow night and Cairnsy is ready for his match against Stephon Davis. Contracts? Retirement? We'll save all that shite for the day after tomorrow, because reet now all Cairnsy is interested in is stealing the show at the pay-per-view extravaganza tomorrow night. Here, is it really any wonder that people are more interested in me contract status than they are in me actual match with Stephon Davis? It's not like the lad's done fuck all of note this year and once he loses to me tomorrow night the chances are good that he'll not be doing fuck all of note for the rest of the year either, or the year after that, or the year after that! But I'll talk more about Stephon Davis and me thoughts on him and our match tomorrow in just a little minute Bentley, because reet now I'd like to talk a little bit more about meself: SIR Chris Cairns!
Bentley: Go on…
Cairns: I gave everything I had to GroundZero Wrestling 2K1 because I wanted to... and not because I had anything to prove, or because Cairnsy was taking orders from the idiots in the Command Suite. Cairnsy was consistently waging war against those who felt they could just waltz into this Globalverse and bleed us dry. Now, I don't really think that's ever going to change because SIR Chris Cairns will never back down from a challenge, and SIR Chris Cairns will never submit to the banal corporate hierarchy around here, and SIR Chris Cairns will never, ever
Necron: DIE!!! …By our hands!
The scene suddenly cuts to Necron the Grim Harvester as he stands at a church pulpit in a different location, with the Creation Wrestling II roster sat before him, listening attentively. A large, oak casket is laid beside Necron. Atop the casket is a large floral tribute of white lilies that simply reads "CAIRNS."
Necron: Yes, Sir Chris Cairns will soon be no more! Sir Chris Cairns will no longer be able to make a mockery
Cairns: of this business, Bentley!
The scene snaps back to Cairns and Bentley in the promo room again.
Cairns: The fans cheered for the likes of Sir Justinian and Vitamin Piss and these 'Globalstars' were given opportunities Cairnsy never was, with Piss even headlining last year's Heatwave. Where is he now? Rupert Martin got chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance to headline and main event and where is he? He never even respected this place when he was its champion! You win a Championship because you're good, but whether or not you get that Championship opportunity in the first place is down to the glass ceiling; people in positions of power, who either like you or don't like you; people much like Nathaniel Davis, who has always hated me… and let's not forget me bitter ex-fiancé who seems to 'devote' herself to ensuring Cairns is never allowed to climb the ladder. But I always tried to do me bit, and whether it was taking exception to the joke that was Vitamin Piss making a mockery of our company, or making examples out of the likes of Damien Knight and Nobunaga, Cairns always had the best interests of GZW2K1 at heart. So, with all of that shite in mind, Cairnsy asks all those who criticise him: who are the real villains here and who has been the legitimate bloody hero all along?! Ask that question when you're looking at SIR Chris Cairns versus Stephon Davis tomorrow night! Cairnsy has always given 100% to GZW2K1, unlike Justinian or Vitamin Piss or Stephon Davis, and Cairnsy's bled and sweat and ate and slept and pissed and shat professional wrestling for all his days, and you can ask Leon Corbin, Eva Hikari, Jericho Cross
Necron: Sean Locke, Jon Kellar, Kolic; they all laugh at Cairns and have long realised what we have now come to realise for ourselves: that Cairns is weak! Pathetic! That he is a hasbeen who never was. Death to the man who has dragged our name through the mud for far too long now! Death to the man who has grown feeble and who needs to be put out of his misery! Death to
Bentley: Sir Chris Cairns, I must ask you: there have been rumours of dissension within the ranks of Creation Wrestling II and it has been heavily suggested that your talent roster is under a great deal of stress and undergoing extreme unrest with regards to your leadership skills. Do you care to comment on the alleged issues within your organisation?
Cairns: The rumours are untrue, Bentley. In short, Creation Wrestling II are stronger than ever and will showcase a
Necron: UNITED FRONT as we crush Sir Chris Cairns into the dirt! And anyone who opposes us will
Cairns: PERISH if they try to stand in the way of Cairnsy! But rest assured, Bentley, that me Creation Wrestling II roster know on which side their bread is buttered… and they know who butters that bred for them, too. No, if we push aside all the nonsense about Cairny's contract status and the supposed Creation Wrestling II dramas, then Heatwave boils down to SIR Chris Cairns versus Stephon Davis! Stephon is one who thinks his shite doesn't stink and only a complete idiot would not be able to sense his smugness and sickening sense of entitlement. He gets title shots and other opportunities without doing fuck all. I trained him… I watched the old training tapes and I read all the old email correspondence… and behind his mask of humbleness hides an arrogant little twat who knows that he can just laze around, waste him time frolicking with female Globalstars, and no matter what, he's always going to have Daddy in the Command Suite looking out for him and ensuring that he is treated favourably. That is the issue I have always had with Stephon Davis, but that issue will come to a close at Heatwave XII because I am going to make bloody sure of it! The writing is on the wall for Stephon Davis and Kowloon Park will be
Necron: the final resting place of Sir Chris Cairns!
Necron cackles evilly as he and his Creation Wrestling II comrades eye the casket and the "CAIRNS" floral tribute.
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Cairns chants his name as he thrusts his regal sceptre into the air with each syllable while Weston Bentley looks on. Across town, Necron the Grim Harvester's cackles echo into the night.
Bentley: Sir Chris Cairns, tomorrow night at Heatwave XII, in Kowloon Park, you will once again compete against one of your most hated rivals, "The Next Franchise" Stephon Davis, in a rematch from your bitter clash which took place one year ago. What are your thoughts at this time?
Bentley holds the microphone out towards Cairns. There is an awkward few moments of silence as Bentley looks on and Cairns takes a deep breath, never once glancing in the Senior Interviewer's direction.
Cairns: Well, well, pissing well, the rumours have been swirling around all week, eh? Swirling like an oversized shite in a toilet and never disappearing no matter how often you flush and flush and bloody flush with all your bloody might, mate. Is Cairnsy retiring? Is Heatwave XII the last we will ever see of Cairnsy? Throw as many paper towels at you like at that big, smelly shite bobbing about in yer loo, but it's not going to sink any time soon! I've heard about contract disputes and I've heard every shade of shitey gossip that you can imagine, from injury forcing me to hang up me regal sceptre and crown, reet down to Nathaniel Davis forcing me out of the business I love in retaliation for everything I've ever said or done to him and his lazy son who I face in less than 24 hours' time. Cairnsy even heard that Cairnsy was walking away from the business because he simply no longer cares about professional wrestling.
Cairns shakes his head in annoyance.
Cairns: Well, let Cairnsy clarify a few things reet now. Aye, me contract is coming to an end. Aye, there is much uncertainty about me future here in GroundZero Wrestling 2K1, but NONE OF THAT has ANYTHING to do with Heatwave VII. Cairnsy is FULLY focused on the big event in Kowloon Park tomorrow night and Cairnsy is ready for his match against Stephon Davis. Contracts? Retirement? We'll save all that shite for the day after tomorrow, because reet now all Cairnsy is interested in is stealing the show at the pay-per-view extravaganza tomorrow night. Here, is it really any wonder that people are more interested in me contract status than they are in me actual match with Stephon Davis? It's not like the lad's done fuck all of note this year and once he loses to me tomorrow night the chances are good that he'll not be doing fuck all of note for the rest of the year either, or the year after that, or the year after that! But I'll talk more about Stephon Davis and me thoughts on him and our match tomorrow in just a little minute Bentley, because reet now I'd like to talk a little bit more about meself: SIR Chris Cairns!
Bentley: Go on…
Cairns: I gave everything I had to GroundZero Wrestling 2K1 because I wanted to... and not because I had anything to prove, or because Cairnsy was taking orders from the idiots in the Command Suite. Cairnsy was consistently waging war against those who felt they could just waltz into this Globalverse and bleed us dry. Now, I don't really think that's ever going to change because SIR Chris Cairns will never back down from a challenge, and SIR Chris Cairns will never submit to the banal corporate hierarchy around here, and SIR Chris Cairns will never, ever
Necron: DIE!!! …By our hands!
The scene suddenly cuts to Necron the Grim Harvester as he stands at a church pulpit in a different location, with the Creation Wrestling II roster sat before him, listening attentively. A large, oak casket is laid beside Necron. Atop the casket is a large floral tribute of white lilies that simply reads "CAIRNS."
Necron: Yes, Sir Chris Cairns will soon be no more! Sir Chris Cairns will no longer be able to make a mockery
Cairns: of this business, Bentley!
The scene snaps back to Cairns and Bentley in the promo room again.
Cairns: The fans cheered for the likes of Sir Justinian and Vitamin Piss and these 'Globalstars' were given opportunities Cairnsy never was, with Piss even headlining last year's Heatwave. Where is he now? Rupert Martin got chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance to headline and main event and where is he? He never even respected this place when he was its champion! You win a Championship because you're good, but whether or not you get that Championship opportunity in the first place is down to the glass ceiling; people in positions of power, who either like you or don't like you; people much like Nathaniel Davis, who has always hated me… and let's not forget me bitter ex-fiancé who seems to 'devote' herself to ensuring Cairns is never allowed to climb the ladder. But I always tried to do me bit, and whether it was taking exception to the joke that was Vitamin Piss making a mockery of our company, or making examples out of the likes of Damien Knight and Nobunaga, Cairns always had the best interests of GZW2K1 at heart. So, with all of that shite in mind, Cairnsy asks all those who criticise him: who are the real villains here and who has been the legitimate bloody hero all along?! Ask that question when you're looking at SIR Chris Cairns versus Stephon Davis tomorrow night! Cairnsy has always given 100% to GZW2K1, unlike Justinian or Vitamin Piss or Stephon Davis, and Cairnsy's bled and sweat and ate and slept and pissed and shat professional wrestling for all his days, and you can ask Leon Corbin, Eva Hikari, Jericho Cross
Necron: Sean Locke, Jon Kellar, Kolic; they all laugh at Cairns and have long realised what we have now come to realise for ourselves: that Cairns is weak! Pathetic! That he is a hasbeen who never was. Death to the man who has dragged our name through the mud for far too long now! Death to the man who has grown feeble and who needs to be put out of his misery! Death to
Bentley: Sir Chris Cairns, I must ask you: there have been rumours of dissension within the ranks of Creation Wrestling II and it has been heavily suggested that your talent roster is under a great deal of stress and undergoing extreme unrest with regards to your leadership skills. Do you care to comment on the alleged issues within your organisation?
Cairns: The rumours are untrue, Bentley. In short, Creation Wrestling II are stronger than ever and will showcase a
Necron: UNITED FRONT as we crush Sir Chris Cairns into the dirt! And anyone who opposes us will
Cairns: PERISH if they try to stand in the way of Cairnsy! But rest assured, Bentley, that me Creation Wrestling II roster know on which side their bread is buttered… and they know who butters that bred for them, too. No, if we push aside all the nonsense about Cairny's contract status and the supposed Creation Wrestling II dramas, then Heatwave boils down to SIR Chris Cairns versus Stephon Davis! Stephon is one who thinks his shite doesn't stink and only a complete idiot would not be able to sense his smugness and sickening sense of entitlement. He gets title shots and other opportunities without doing fuck all. I trained him… I watched the old training tapes and I read all the old email correspondence… and behind his mask of humbleness hides an arrogant little twat who knows that he can just laze around, waste him time frolicking with female Globalstars, and no matter what, he's always going to have Daddy in the Command Suite looking out for him and ensuring that he is treated favourably. That is the issue I have always had with Stephon Davis, but that issue will come to a close at Heatwave XII because I am going to make bloody sure of it! The writing is on the wall for Stephon Davis and Kowloon Park will be
Necron: the final resting place of Sir Chris Cairns!
Necron cackles evilly as he and his Creation Wrestling II comrades eye the casket and the "CAIRNS" floral tribute.
Cairns: SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS! SIR CHRIS CAIRNS!!
Cairns chants his name as he thrusts his regal sceptre into the air with each syllable while Weston Bentley looks on. Across town, Necron the Grim Harvester's cackles echo into the night.
